“Really?” Gladys said. “That’s what you’re going to tell us? Come on, something must have happened.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Nah, I don’t believe it. It was that night after your grand finale. Something was up with you that night, your nerves were on edge, and you were getting up real close with a fella or two. What’d you do? Go home with one of ’em, and Archie found out?”
“No,” I insisted. “I did not, Gladys, so stop meddling.”
She put her hands up and backed off a little.
“But what are you going to do now?” Pauline asked. “I mean, are you coming back to the theater?”
“Ziegfeld doesn’t want me.” I saw looks of shock cross their faces. We all thought we were invincible until our time was up.
“How are you ever going to find yourself another fella now, without the allure of theFollies?” Pauline continued in a low whisper, too stunned to hide her horror.
A few girls were stepping away, sorry, I guessed, for having pestered me.
“Everyone knows about what happened with Archie,” Pauline went on. She never did know when to stop. “But I suppose it will blow over eventually. Someone else will come along.”
I shook my head. “Honestly, it’s the last thing on my mind.”
I glanced over to Lillian, and when she caught my eye, she looked away. I wanted to ask her if she’d heard anything from Evelyn from her hometown, but I could already tell from the look on her face that she knew something.
“Is it true, Lillian?” I didn’t want to show my weakness. In fact, I’d told myself I wasn’t going to ask, but I couldn’t help myself, I had to know. “Is it true what the papers said?”
“What do you mean?”
“About Archie, that he’s going back to his former fiancée?”
Everyone went quiet and looked from her to me. It was obvious that they’d already talked about it.
“Go on, Lill,” Gladys said finally. “Tell her what you know.”
“I don’t know much, I only know what Evelyn told me,” she said, shrugging. “She hasn’t been home for a while, alls I know is that they’re getting married. The wedding is back on. They’re having a Christmas wedding or something like that. At his mother’s house.”
Her cheeks turned pink—she was embarrassed for me, and it felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach all over again. Though I’d read it in the papers with my very own eyes, I couldn’t stand hearing from Lillian that it was true. I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt as though someone were wringing out my insides.
“He has every right to move on,” I managed to say as I pushed through the circle they’d formed around me in the kitchen.
Ruthie stood rocking the baby in the bassinet; he was cooing and she was smiling down at him, but when I reached her, she looked up with concern.
“I have to get to work,” I said.
“So soon?”
“Sorry, I…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s a tough crowd,” she added, nodding toward the kitchen, where we could hear them whispering. “Come back again when it’s just you and me, and we can talk.”
I hurried out of there even though it was only five o’clock and I wasn’t expected to show up at the club until eleven. The hours in front of me seemed terribly long. All I could think to do was find myself a stiff drink, dull the pain, forget what I’d heard. Maybe I should just head down to the Village; I could kill a few hours at Chumley’s. I knew I shouldn’t, but I didn’t know what else to do to calm my mind. How could he marry that woman, how could he move on so quickly and simply forget about me?
It didn’t feel as if I had a choice any longer: going to Europe might be the best thing, the only thing, left for me to do—Archie was getting married. Nobody wanted me here, not Ziegfeld, not my parents. Addie was too little to guess who I was, who I could be, and they weren’t letting me change that.
And yet, while performing with a world-renowned opera singer could potentially open doors to an entirely new level of artistic achievement, while earning money doing what I had somehow believed I was born to do, it all felt so daunting. How could I leave Manhattan now, knowing that Addie was just a few miles away, my own daughter? She might not know me as her mother, but might there be something I could do, some way to change that awful reality, despite my parents? At the very least, I would be close to her. And I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving for Europe without seeing Archie again. By the time I returned, he’d be married.
“Excuse me, miss,” said a man, bumping into me as he hurried past.
I’d been standing at the street corner, paralyzed by indecision, only dimly aware of my surroundings. My mind raced. Being close, was that enough if I couldn’t see Addie? With Archie gone? Thecards were stacked against me here, now. I needed to think boldly, but not impetuously, think ahead for once in my life.
