“She made me feel unwelcome,” I said simply, my head spinning from the hooch. First, I had been rejected by my own family with a curse that I’d never meet a reputable man who’d want anything to do with me, and now, after meeting the man of my dreams who wantedto marry me, his family was rejecting me, too. It felt rotten, and so did my head.
So when Archie came in the next morning with a telegram from Ziegfeld saying that I was needed back in New York and had to catch the next train out of town, it couldn’t have come at a better time.
Archie handed it to me.
“What can he be thinking?” he fumed while I pored over the message. “He can’t just expect you to drop everything and go back to New York so soon. You’re not needed back there until Wednesday.”
“It says there’s an emergency, one of the girls had to leave theFolliesunexpectedly.” We both knew what that meant.
“I haven’t had a chance to show you around.”
“I know, darling, but there’ll be other times,” I said, though I wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, given the reception I’d received so far. “One of the girls has probably taken ill, or…” I didn’t want to say it.
“Or she’s with child, I know, Olive, but that’s hardly your fault.”
“Of course it’s not my fault, but he relies on his top girls to keep things running smoothly, and he’s asking me to replace her—in theFollies. I’ll be back on top.”
“Well, he’s going to have to replaceyouat some point,” Archie said, walking to the window.
His remark stopped me in my tracks. “Excuse me?”
“Maybe not right away,” he went on, “but this year or next year, certainly sometime before we get married, he’s going to have to find himself the next Olive Shine soon enough.”
“Why would he have to do that?”
Archie looked at me, surprised. “Well, you’re hardly going to carry on as a show girl once we’re married.”
“Why not?” I said, taken aback by his words.
He looked at me with genuine confusion. “Sweetheart, you didn’t think your performing career would continue once we were man and wife, did you? I can’t have you wearing barely anything, tantalizing every man out there with your beauty.”
He meant it as a compliment, I could tell from the way he spoke, but I couldn’t believe it. It was as if I were having the very same conversation I’d had with my father, but with Archie.
“I feel… I worry that there’s been some misunderstanding,” I said slowly, sensing that the life we were starting to build together was slipping through my fingers. “I never said I would stop performing. It’s who I am, it’s what makes me happy, it’s my reason to live.”
“Oh, Olive.” He came toward me and took my hands. “I want you to be happy, I want to give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. All that talk about traveling together, seeing the world, how can we do that if you’re handcuffed to the theater night after night? I have to travel for work, you know that, and when we’re man and wife I want you by my side. I’ll go crazy if I have to leave you for weeks at a time. Isn’t that what all this is about, love and companionship?”
He made it all sound so important, so lovely, and I wanted it, of course, I did—but I wanted my life, too—the life I’d built for myself. I looked out the window, at a loss for words.
“And Olive,” he said, bringing me into his embrace, “what if we have a child, two children, heck, even three, a real family—close your eyes and imagine it, Olive.”
“You said you didn’t want that,” I whispered.
“I didn’t think I did, but now, with you, it’s all I can think about.”
I closed my eyes and saw nothing but blackness. It felt as if I were sinking, slipping out of his arms, the floor swallowing me whole. Tears welled up, and I kept my eyes shut so that they wouldn’t escape.
“I want to give you the world, Olive,” he said, “and I hope you want the same for me.” But all I could hear in my head was, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I had never intended to deceive him. I’d thought there were pieces of my past that were best left untold—what good would it do to bring all that up now? It would send me to pieces, for one thing, and Archie would be horrified. Such things were best left unsaid, and yet now, as he was starting to get strange ideas in his head about a family, children, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. All of a sudden it seemed that deceiving him was exactly what I was doing.
I got back to New York in time to fill in for Jenna in theFollies,who’d been “taken ill.” I learned her numbers and footwork fast, with more determination than I knew I had in me, especially after such a long and arduous train ride. I rehearsed every single day from sunup until sundown. So just as my future husband was telling me I should start thinking about giving it all up, Ziegfeld slotted me back into theFollies—temporarily, he reminded me, until Jenna returned,but we all knew that wasn’t happening. It was thrilling to be in both shows again.
“I’m so relieved you’re back in theFollies,” Ruthie said when we’d opted for a night in back at the apartment rather than out at the clubs. “How does it feel?”
“Glorious,” I said. “And exhausting, just the way I like it.”
