The moment we're alone, I drop her hand.
"What are ya doin’ here, Savannah?"
The diamond on her finger catches the last light of day.
Three carats of bullshit.
Three years of my life.
All of it feels weighed and measured in that stone.
"This place looks... different," she says, gesturing at the new trailer. Her fingers tremble slightly, like she wants to touch the outside to make sure it’s real. "Last time I was here, it was?—"
"A rusted-out piece of shit?" The words are bitter and come out mean. "Yeah, well. Now it's not. What do ya really want, Savannah?"
She takes a step back, boot heel clicking against the fresh wood of the porch. "I wanna know where it came from. How you afforded it. How it got here so fast." Her eyes narrow. "And who exactly are these men from the clubhouse teaching Mercy all these new skills she’s been braggin’ about?"
Oh. I think to myself.I do not think so, Miss Ashby. "Let me be real clear." My voice drops low. "Mercy ismysister. Not yours. You don't get have opinions about how I raise her just because you dropped off groceries while I was gone."
"I just don't think it's a good idea." Her voice shakes a little. Surprised at my challenge. "Having Mercy around criminal bikers like?—"
"Likewhat?" I lean in close. Let her see exactly what three years inside did to my eyes. Let her see the darkness that grew there, fed by concrete walls and fluorescent lights that never died. "I'ma criminal biker, Savannah. Did you forget that part while you were picking out china patterns?"
I grab her left hand, shove it up between us. The diamond shines unnaturally bright, like this moment was staged by Eleanor Ashby herself. "You lost all right to ask those questions the moment you put this ring on. You wanna know about the clubhouse? About who's teaching Mercy what? About where the money came from?"
She tries to pull away, but I hold tighter. Feeling her pulse race against my fingertips.
"Those arefamilyquestions, Savannah."
My voice starts hard, but it goes soft at the end when I say her name. I don't wanna be mad at her. I don't wanna hate her. Savannah Ashby is the only woman I've ever wanted in all my life. She's the one.
But she made her choice and now she has to live with it.
So this is what I tell her.
"You chose the mansion lights over midnight rides, Savannah. Chose diamond rings over chain links. I spent three years in darkness dreaming about you underneath me as the starlight dusted your skin. And while I was doin’ that, you were busy turning yourself into something I don't recognize."
She lets out a breath and her eyes go sad.
But I keep going. Because I got shit to say.
If she stays away, I'll get over it. I'llmake myselfget over it. I'll look back at that last night in the silo as the perfect ending.
Not a happy one, but I never expected one of those.
Ifshe stays away.
If she comes around, well that's another matter. If she keeps comin’ around, she's gonna kill me slowly. One moment at a time.
I'llneverget over it.
I'll never get overher.
This will turn me mean and evil.
And I'm halfway there already. Have been since the day I was born. I can't risk the 'casual' nature of our past relationship.
Not anymore. It’s not workin’ for me.
