“Why are you being weak?”
“Weak? I’m not weak. I can take care of myself. If Ihaveto. But my point is, when you’re so involved with a man that you’re practically engaged, should I have to take care of myself?”
“He didn’t live up to your expectations. I get it. But maybe you didn’t live up to his, either?”
“I’m not supposed to be the hero!Heis.”
“Hm.”
She makes a face at me. “What’s that mean? That little hum of yours?”
“I’m just reflectin’ on your general attitude about heroes. It’s kinda dated.”
“Dated?”
“Yeah. Out of fashion, so to speak. Women these days just save themselves. But you don’t see yourself as a hero because you’ve never been in that kind of situation. Have you ever saved anyone, Clara? Name one person.”
Again, I get a scoff. “Well, who the hell have you saved?”
I hold up a finger, ready to tick off a list. And one by one I do that. “Jast, Myra, Stepan, and Kirt. And that’s just my team. Of course, they saved my ass many times as well. But my point is that I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to make choices like the one your man was presented with and I didn’t cave. Ididn’t give in. I did my fuckin’ job. I need you to be the kind of person who doesn’t give in and does the fuckin’ job. That’s the only way you get to the other side of this better than you were when you got here. And forget about your man. He’s worthless. We’ve already established that. He made his choices and that’s that. Get it over it and move on.”
“You hate him.”
“That’s stupid. I don’t hate him. I don’t even know him.”
“Then why are you being so difficult right now?”
“He’s a complete piece of shit for not trying to save you. Isn’t that what you wanted me to say? There. I said it. I’m on your side.”
“My side. I don’t even understand why we’re even talking about this. Why do you care?”
“I care because I need to know where I stand. But you know what’s more interesting, Clara? The fact thatyoucare thatIcare.”
She smiles. Small at first, then it covers her entire face. All the way up to those dancing eyes. “You’re acting like a fourteen-year-old boy. But it’s kind of comforting that men are the same everywhere. At least I know whereIstand.”
“Yeah? And where’s that?”
She sneers at me. It’s real too. “The only reason you’re helping me is because you expect to get something out of it. You expect to satisfy yourcuriosity.”
I simply shrug. “What’s so wrong about that?”
“It’s not gonna happen.”
I sigh and start looking for our waitress.
“Nothing to say to that, huh?”
I look back at her with narrowed eyes. “I don’t know why you’re being such a Clara Birch to me right now. I’m helping ya. I said I’d keep helping ya. So what are you going on about?”
“You just sat here and spent three minutes forcing me to admit that I wanted to come back to the tower with you. The very least you can do is tell me that you’re doing this because I’m pretty and you think you’ve maybe got a chance.”
“Well. I didn’t plan any of this.But… I wouldn’t turn you down.” I try and say this with a serious face but it’s hopeless. Sheispretty. Iwouldfuck her.
Clara smirks. Like she won a prize.
“There. Is that what you were looking for? That I would fuck you if ya turned your skirts up?”
She tsks her tongue. “You’re crass.”
