His smile drops. “What?”
“Clara. She’s the one you want, not me.”
He places his palms flat on my cheeks, staring at me intently. “Why the hell would I wanther?”
“Why the hell wouldn’t you? She was your life. I’m nothing but…” I don’t wanna say it, because when I do, it all becomes real. But ignorance isn’t really bliss. And anyway, it’s time. “I’m nothing but a down-city whore. A sad, substandard replacement for the only woman you ever loved. I am nothing but… the fuckingCourtesan.”
He looks confused for a moment. Then he smiles. And then laughs. “You’re crazy.” He’s still holding my face in his hands. “Clara was my worst failure. You, Jasina? You’re the only damn thing I’ve ever done right. I didn’t save Clara. I savedyou. And as for you being the Courtesan, well… who wouldn’t want to be the Courtesan?”
I huff. “She’s a whore.”
Finn scoffs. “She’s not a whore.”
“Well, she’s not the Godslayer’s wife.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “She’s not. She’s… she’s hischoice. Don’t you get it? The wife is an obligation. The Courtesan is the true love. The woman he risks everything for. The woman who has his heart. And even though I never got the whole story, I’m like… absolutely fuckin’ sure that the Courtesan takes notes. Sowhen her man fucks up, and boy, he fucks up a lot, she can save him back.”
“My notes!”
He pulls a notebook out of the waistband of his tattered pants and holds it up. “I saw this falling out of your dress while I was carrying you.” Then he does a mock scoff. “I can’t believe you left me to die.”
I plant my hands on my hips, suddenly angry again. “You called meClara.”
“When?”
I make big eyes at him. “When? During sex.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did.”
“And that’s why you left me to die?”
I tilt my chin up, ready for a fight. “Yes. That’s why.”
“Because I mixed you up with the woman I failed?”
“Are you trying to imply it was guilt? Because it’s just… it’s not gonna work.”
“I’m sorry. OK? I’m sorry. I can’t change that. But I promise, it was the last of her. I don’t wanna find Clara, even though I think I could. If there’s one door, there’s another. I think that’s the moral of this story. She’s out there, kissing a man who isn’t me?—”
“So yousettled. For me.”
“I didn’t settle. I chose you, Jasina. You and I spent our last night in Tau City together because Ichoseyou. And I chose you because you were the one I trusted. Even though I could’ve confided in Mitch and I could’ve figured it all out so much quicker. And had I done that, I’d be in that other world right now and you’d probably be dead. Or worse, in the hands of an evil teenager who thinks he’s a god. But it’s more than that now. Ineedyou. It’s us against them. And there’s nothing you can dothat will change it. We’re destiny, Jasina. You’re my future and our love is destiny.”
I don’t know what to say about this declaration. And while the conflict is swirling up inside me like a turbulent river, Finn Scott uses my confusion as an opportunity to kiss me.
It’s a long, slow kiss. And the whole time he’s whispering, “I choose you. You’re the only thing I’ve done right. We will not fail. Because we are the Godslayer and his Courtesan.”
When he pulls away, I’m smiling. I look like shit, I feel like shit, and the spark inside me is doing shit I don’t understand, but… I still smile.
Because maybe we are?
Maybe we’re destiny?
And while I had imagined my name written up in a history book and not a child’s fairy tale, it’s still in print, right?
It feels like a win.
