“Do I knowwhy?” I scoff as my eyes scan the room because… yeah. I actuallydoknow why. Gemna, Jasina, and the other girl are chained and cuffed inside a circle made of some kind of metal. The Matrons are lined up along the perimeter. The Little Sisters are standing in line to feed a teenage boy who dreams of raping girls in hallways or have already passed out from the stealing of spark. “Of course I know why.” I sneer these words at her. Because she thinks I’m stupid. Not only that, she thinks I’m disposable. “This is a door,Mother. One you can compel to open if you’ve got enough energy.”
My mother leans in, smirking. But also whispering as she side-eyes the room. “Keep your voice down, son. We don’t want to scare the Little Sisters. But you’re right. I don’t know if this is just a good guess or if your father left you some kind of message...”
“He did.”
She lets out a breath. Stares at me for a few seconds, then again, she sighs. “So you know. You understand. The god is dying.”
On a very basic level, this is accurate, I suppose. But it’s also deceptive. I wish I could remember what my father said exactly, but I can’t. I need Jasina’s notes. So I say nothing. Which forces my mother to continue her deceit.
“There’s more, Finn.” My mother takes a breath. I don’t recognize this woman standing in front of me in her ceremonial robes. She cannot be—isnot—the same woman who baked me cookies and helped me do homework. “Because the real truth is, there is no god, Finn.”
I reach up and scrub my hands down my face, pushing the heels of my hands into my eyes.
“There’s no god, but,” my mother continues, “they might as well be gods.”
I pull my hands away from my face and look at her. Because I think this was the part of my father’s message that I missed. Maybe she isn’t lying? Maybe I’m wrong? Maybe the world isn’t ending right now? “What do you mean, Mother?”
“They control us, Finn. They control everything. We’re…prisoners.”
“Who?” I stare at her, mouth open.
“The gods who are not gods, of course.”
I blink at her as some my father’s words come back to me now. Workers, he said. Something about Workers.
“They control everything, Finn. Everything on the other side of those doors. We don’t have a say in any of it, so yes. I guess they are gods in their own way. Because they have god-like powers over us, that’s for sure. They need us, for now. But very soon, they won’t. They are building something on the other side of those tower doors. They are making something. And if they succeed, and it looks like they have, then we will become obsolete. One more Extraction, if we’re lucky, and then it’s over. We are on the edge of dereliction. We will be abandoned. They will starve us and while it will feel slow and painful, it’s really just a few months. They will come in, they will sweep us up, clean up the city, and shut it down. So we have no choice. We must enter that world through these doors, otherwise we all die. Which means… we need Gemna and the Little Sisters to get enough spark to complete this task.”
I turn and look at the thick glass. At Jasina, who isn’t paying any attention to me, but talking to Gemna or whoever that other girl is.
“It’s your father’s fault, Finn. It’s entirely his fault that we are using up Little Sisters like this. If he had just… let us do it our way?—”
I whirl back around. “Your way?” I scoff. Thoroughly disgusted. “If you had your way, Mother, it would be Clara up there in that circle next to Gemna. It would be Haryet as well. He sent them through the doors so you couldn’thave them.”
My mother’s face softens and her eyes go… I dunno. Weepy, or something. Like she’s sad. “It has to be done, my son. It must. If your father had agreed to our plan, he would still be alive today. And perhaps Haryet, and Clara, and Gemna would all survive the opening of the door? You don’t know. And the reason you don’t know, and Clara is now gone, is because your father was selfish.”
Would still be alive today?
Did she really just say that?
I don’t even have the ability to respond I’m so stunned.
Shedid it.
Shemurdered him.
Or, at the very least, she sanctioned it.
“Finn? Did you hear me?”
“Of course I fuckin’ heard you, Mother! Just… give me a moment, OK?”
My mother puts up her hands and this gesture is obscenely ceremonial-looking because of the robes she’s wearing. She takes several steps back. “We don’t have much time, but of course, you must process.”
I turn a little, not looking at anything in particular, just thinking. I picture myself as a small boy in our family home behind the Extraction Tower. Our cozy, brightly lit, neutrally decorated six-room house. I picture myself standing between my mother and father. My mother, smiling down at me with herpretty face and warm smile. Extending her hand to me, along with her invitation.Come, Finn! Join us as we begin anew.
My father standing opposite, his face stern like it was in the Looking Glass room.Don’t interfere with anything that is happening below the Tower District. Just get on the train, take it down the line, and cut all ties with the gods by doing what we discussed.
I picture myself as a teenager taking Clara Birch to her gala in her second year of Pledge. Her favorite memory with me. Clara. Good, honest, loyal Clara. Poised, proper, and polite Clara.
