It’s everything I never knew I wanted. When I walked across that imaginary line between the Canal District and the Ruin District there was an immediate expansion of spark inside me. Even when I was a Little Sister and I was practicing my spark display several times a day, it never filled me up this way. And being here, in this Tau City where spark isn’t everywhere, all at once, but contained within a very specific and defined area, it feels very all or nothing.
I didn’t notice much difference when I left earlier in the evening. But as the hours passed inside the patrol chief’s house, I could feel… an emptying. A space inside me.
A space that was flooded with spark once I came into the ruin.
Also a new feeling.
Overwhelming, actually.
And it was complete genius on Tyse’s part to dissipate the building spark by taking some of it from me through a kiss. It would’ve never occurred to me that I couldshareit.
When we pull back and I look up into Tyse’s lit-up blue eyes, they look vacant for a moment. And there’s a small panic inside my chest that I might’ve hurt him in some way.
But then he blinks, looks up at the sky for just a quick second, then down at me.
I am flooded again, but not with spark this time. It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way before. It’s warmth, and it’s a sense of safety, but also it’s just this overwhelming feeling that I would do anything for him.
Anything.
His hands are still on my shoulders and he gives them a squeeze. “Are you OK now, Clara?”
I nod. “Yeah. Yep. I’m fine. That was…”
“Weird?”
“Um. Noooo. It was…” I smile at Tyse and do a stupid flirty thing with my head here that I didn’t plan. “It was… my first kiss. Well, you know. That wasn’t Finn.” His eyes dart up to the sky for a moment, like he’s thinking about something, and I immediately regret what I just said. “Sorry. I should just shut up about him now.”
He lets out a small laugh. Then looks back down at me. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
And then he takes my hand and leads me into the tower.
Home.
I think about that word as we climb the steps in silence. Well, the tower isn’t silent. There are hundreds and hundreds of people all around us. But we are. And I’m glad. Because…home.
His room does feel like home.
He feels like home.
The climb goes fast, like it always did back in the Maiden Tower when I was climbing with Gemna and Haryet. And as we come up to the tenth floor and walk over to his door, I suddenly have something to say.
We go inside and he closes the door behind us, and then he turns to me, and I decide it’s now or… no. It’s just now. I need to say this now. “Tyse, I don’t want to go home. This place is strange, and big, and loud, and a little bit scary, and I know I didthinkI loved Finn, but I’m just not sure?—”
Suddenly the space between us, and he’s holding my face in his hands, and looking me in the eyes when he says it. “Fuck. Finn.”
That’s what he says. That’s all he says.
And then he’s kissing me again. Only this time, it’s much different. Better, if that’s possible. Because he’s determined, and a little bit forceful, and he’s sliding my jacket down my arms, and pulling my dress up over my head, and then I’m standing in front of him in my Cheeky Goddess underwear, and my socks, and my boots, and the smile on this man’s face as he looks at me is nothing short of hunger, with a tinge of amusement.
But he doesn’t say anything. He just takes a step forward so I have to take a step back. And because this room is so small, I’m already bumping into the side of the bed.
A bed we share.
A bed where we sleep next to each other.
He takes another step and this time I can’t really do anything but sit.
I have a flash of panic here. It’s fleeting, but it’s real. Because this position—me sitting down and Tyse towering over me—it’s reminding me of the last time I was with Finn. And despite the fact that the sex felt good, it wasn’tgood sex. It was… fear sex. It was desperate, and sad, and vulgar.
