Which makes me laugh. “I wouldn’t put that one on your resume.”
This, in turn, makes her smile. “No. of course not. I just mean, I was preparing to be a wife. A… a social climber? Maybe?” She winces. Because even she understands this is kind of pathetic. Not the wife part, or even the social climber part, but the fact that she is realizing, in this very moment, that she has no dream. “But I’m smart,” she continues. “I can learn. And anyway, coin is not the only way to pay things back.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Did you just offer me sex?”
“What? No.” She makes a face. “I just meant—you were the one talking about loyalty. So I was offering loyalty.”
“Sure, sure.”
She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “Whatever.”
“I’m kidding about the sex. I know what you’re saying. You can stay at my place and I’ll give you some coin to get started.But don’t offer that loyalty if ya don’t mean it. Because that’s worth more to me than coin.”
She looks me in the eyes for this last part. All serious now. And she nods. “I understand. And thank you. Not just for taking care of me and giving me what I asked for, but for being so upfront. It’s a rare thing, ya know?”
“People being honest?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“Would it have gone over better if that man of yours just told ya outright that he wasn’t gonna save ya?”
“Well, he kinda did say that.”
“He did?”
“Yes. But… I don’t think I was listening.”
“Mmm. Yeah. It’s a common thing people do when they don’t get the answer they’re looking for.”
“So my circumstances are probably more my fault than his. I mean, actually, itwasall my fault. I signed up to be a Spark Maiden. I played the game and lost.” She gives me a one-shoulder shrug. “It’s as simple as that.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I mean, the world, it’s stacked against you, Clara. You were never meant to win.”
Our food arrives before she can say anything else and the heavy topics we were just discussing fade into the background as we eat.
But on the way home, when we’re walking towards the ruins, I recite her words back in my head.I played the game and lost.
She’s nothing special in that regard.
We all play and we all lose.
It’s just the way of things.
We’re climbing the stairsoutside the tower when Clara turns to me. “Can you show me where you found me?”
I stop and pull her off to the side of the door, out of the flow of people. “Why?”
“Because I just want to see it. Haryet had to have gone somewhere. I know she’s not gonna be there now, but it’s the only clue I have left.”
I press my lips together and nod. “Sure. But not tonight. It’s a million levels below ground and we’ve still got to walk up ten flights of stairs.”
She groans and looks at the building.
“I’ll carry you on my back if you want.”
I get a sharp look for that. “No, thank you.”
“OK.” We walk through the doors and into the lobby, which is pretty crowded still for being nearly ten at night. My gaze sweeps around the first floor, looking for Anneeta, but I don’t see her. So we just hit the stairs.
