It’s not just what she went through, though. It’s Everett, too. He’s been my closest friend in Beckford for the past eighteen months, but I never bothered to get to know him beyond soccer. We’ve both been dealing with our own demons, neither of us knowing that we share this trauma.
As I lean my back against a tree and stare out over the endless sprawl of untouched forest, I wonder, not for the first time, what my life would’ve been like if I hadn’t come home late from school that day. Would I have been able to prevent whatever argument led to my father hurting my mother that day? Would I have made it worse? Would I have been the one who copped his wrath instead?If I hadn’t killed him, would we all have died in that house?
The abuse had been getting more frequent; he was drinking more and flying off the handle at the smallest things. If I hadn’t ended it when I did, would he have taken things too far? I couldn’t bear to think of my sister lying in a pool of her own blood. She was the only good, pure thing in that hellhole. I was an angry kid, fed up with not being able to protect the women in my life, but Tori was nothing but light. Mum had become a shadow long before that day, shrinking in on herself more and more, but she was still our mum. She didn’t deserve what he did to her.
I watch as the sun sinks lower in the sky, hating my father for ruining my life from beyond the grave. Juliet was the first ray of sunshine in my otherwise bleak existence, and my body slumps with the weight of not being good enough for her or Tinsley. She didn’t have to say the words out loud; I could see them in those beautiful green eyes. I wasn’t going to force her to tell me she couldn’t be with me. To be honest, I’m not strong enough to hear it.
Walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I don’t know how I’ll survive losing another person I care about. Fuck, who am I kidding? I don’t just care about her; I stupidly allowed myself to fall in love, knowing I’m a curse to everyone in my life.
The ache in my chest grows, and if I wasn’t studying paramedicine, I’d probably be worried I was having a heart attack. A broken heart is way worse. There’s no cure. No treatment will make it better.
Numbness creeps in, but I don’t know if it’s from the autumn chill now the sun’s gone down, or from knowing Ineed to move on from Juliet, all the while living with her stepson and knowing her toxic ex is still in Beckford having contact with her daughter. It’s going to hurt, but I don’t blame her. She needs someone who isn’t battling his own demons.
Stiff and sore, I hike down Eagle Peak, using the torch on my phone so I don’t trip and kill myself. I may be hurting, but I don’t have a death wish.
By the time I reach my car, I’m determined not to fall into my usual self-destructive behaviour. As much as it aches, I’ll give Juliet space, and I’ll move on without her somehow. When I finish my studies at the end of this year, I’ll move back to Sydney to be closer to Tori and my nephew.
Dark Noir’s albumDon’t Wait for Meblasts from my speakers as I drive home, lost in my thoughts.
Noah’s bike is parked behind Everett’s car when I pull up in my driveway behind Emily’s car, and I’m surprised to see Zac’s new A9X Torana also parked on the street. A frown creases my brow as I push open the front door, voices reaching me from the living room.
Five heads snap in my direction when I appear in the doorway, and my heart leaps into my throat when a familiar blonde bolts off the couch and throws her arms around my waist, her body trembling as I release a shuddering breath and close my arms around her.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my eyes finding Everett’s. He looks pained as he watches me brush my hand over the back of Juliet’s head. “Where’s Tinsley? Did something happen?”
“She’s fine,” Everett grunts, and I still can’t gauge what’s going through his head.
Noah clears his throat, drawing my attention to where he and Zac are watching us curiously. “We should go. Glad you’re okay,” he says, patting me on the back as he squeezes past me.
Zac casts a quick glance at Everett before giving me a small smile. “Call if you need anything.”
Confusion thrums through me, and I return my gaze to my housemate as the door clicks shut behind our teammates.
“Does anyone want to explain what’s going on?” I ask again, my heart damn near beating out of my chest.
“Where were you?” Everett counters. “You’ve been missing for hours.”
The only way he’d know that is if he knew when I last saw Juliet.
Releasing a sigh, I tilt her chin up to look at me. Her green eyes are red and swollen, like she’s been crying since I left her. “Where’s Tinsley?”
She sniffs. “Quinn and Rory have her.”
“Why?”
“Because I came looking for you.”
I swallow thickly and repeat my question. “Why?”
She reaches up to cup my cheek in her soft palm, and my heart cracks. “You left before I could tell you I don’t care about your past. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
My eyes dart to Everett, but he doesn’t look pissed, more resigned.
Needing to hear her say it, I return my gaze to hers and murmur, “How do you feel about me, pixie?”
“You make me feel alive again, like I’m not broken.” Her voice wavers, but she doesn’t look away. “I didn’t think I could want this again, that I could trust someone with my heart and not be terrified of getting hurt.” She exhales softly. “But you make me want more. I want to love you when it gets dark and stick around for more than just the good parts. I’m in love with you, Blake. I’m in this forever.”
A soft chuckle escapes my lips, and I lean in to rest my forehead against hers. “Did you just quote my favourite song to me?”
