Destroy.
The word echoes in my head, bouncing around my skull until it’s all I can hear.
I’m destroying him.
Christian couldn’t think straight around me either. He lost focus in school. Made mistake after mistake until he made his final one. All because of me.
And now, without even realizing it, I’m doing it again to Echo. I’m making him lose sleep. Making him distracted. Making him unable to do his job properly. Making him vulnerable in ways that will probably get him killed in whatever dangerous world he lives in.
This is exactly what I swore wouldn’t happen.
I promised myself after Christian that I would never let myself care about someone like that again, would never let my feelings turn someone into something dangerous and broken and self-destructive. But here I am, doing it anyway, letting Echo twist himself into knots over me while I pretend like I don’t see what’s happening, like I don’t notice the way he’s unraveling.
“Does she know?” The other man asks. “How you feel?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s not ready to hear it. She’s scared of this, of me, and if I tell her, she’ll run.” He pauses. “So I’m giving her time. Letting her come to it on her own terms.”
My throat tightens because he’s right. If I had any idea he could feel this way about me, I would’ve ran. I would’ve never admitted I was attracted to him and I definitely wouldn’t have had sex with him.
“If whatever this is puts you or our family at risk, you need to tell me.”
He’s talking to his brother.
He has to be.
“It won’t.” Echo replies.
“You can’t promise that.”
“Yes, I can. I’ll make sure of it.”
More silence, and then his brother speaks up again. “For what it’s worth, if this is you happy, then I’m happy. We all are. I just hope she’s worth it.”
I step back from the door, not wanting to hear his reply because I already know the answer.
I’m not worth it. I’m not worth the trouble, or the risk, or the fucking danger. I’m just not.
I sink down onto the edge of his bed, feeling numb and completely out of body.
I can’t do this to him.
Echo steps into the room and I force myself to look up, even though every instinct is screaming at me to run.
He stops when he sees me, his eyes scanning my face like he’s trying to read something there. I wonder if he can see it. The guilt, the fear, the knowledge that I’m destroying him just by existing in his space.
“You okay?” He asks.
I nod even though it’s a lie. “Fine. Just tired.”
He doesn’t look convinced as he watches me with those intense green eyes that see too much.
“Come on.” He says, reaching his hand out for mine. “Let’s get out of here.”
I stand without argument because what else am I supposed to do? Tell him I overheard? Tell him I know I’m destroying him and I need to leave before it gets worse? Tell him that everyone I care about ends up broken and I can’t watch it happen again?
