will always be there for Luke Tisdale,
a part of my heart.
“What saps,” I say, wiping my eyes.
“It’s still true, you know,” Luke says.
“I didn’t save your life,” I argue.
“You did. You and EBE together. And this summer, well,you’ve reminded me that it ismylife. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Sera.”
I let the tears welling in my eyes fall and say the first thing that comes to mind.
“I love you, Luke.”
The words float out of my mouth and through the screen. Luke smiles the widest smile I’ve ever seen.
“I love you too, Sera.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Sera
I feel a little better in the morning and go for a short walk with Dad to Northport Beach to get some fresh air, but I quickly need to head home. The walk back is agony, my muscles cramping, my head pounding. My stupid immune system is having a rough time. I collapse into bed and sleep until dinner, then take my box of tissues and retreat again to sleep.
When I wake up in the middle of the night, I don’t know where I am. The blankets feel unfamiliar under my stiff and swollen hands. Everything is foggy, distant. My body feels like it’s vibrating out of reality. Time jumps. I’m in bed. I’m in the bathroom. I’m in bed again without the sheets, looking toward the windows and the dark rectangles of Luke’s room. Suddenly Mom and Dad are there. I think I called them, but I can’t be sure. My mouth is cottony. I ask for water, and Dad lifts a straw to my mouth while Mom retakes my temperature.
“Too high,” Mom says.
“I’m calling.” Dad pulls the straw away and thunders downstairs. His steps shake the whole house.
“Sera.” Mom says it like it’s not the first time she’s tried to get my attention. I move my slow, sandpapery eyeballs toward her, wincing the whole way. She’s outlined in purple light. Protected.
“You’re shining.” I smile at her, but she’s not happy at the news.
“You have a fever, baby. We’re going to the hospital.”
I don’t want to go to the hospital. We haven’t finished all my death decisions; the binder is only half filled out. The text from Dr.Lee and the words in my fellowship acceptance letter float out of my head and spin around the room.Second. Paris. Second.It’s dizzying.
Dad comes in with strangers. Giants with voices that don’t make sense. They take me out of my bed, and I start to shiver, but they won’t put the blanket back—they have their own. I’m moved to a spine board and floated out the door. The stairs chirp like birds as I’m carried down them. Mom’s purple light bobs in my periphery. All the other lights are too bright, piercing through my eyes like knives. My body trembles with the erratic beat of my heart.
My heart.
EBE is crying, she’s hurting, she’s so sorry, she’s tried so hard, but it’s time for her to go.
It’s time for us to go.
Outside, thunder rumbles loud and ominous. It chases some of the fog in my head away.
“My phone,” I say as I’m lifted into the ambulance. Someone presses it into my hand. The EMT on my left attaches some monitors to my chest, puts cool compresses on my head, my arms, and my chest, and then starts a line of fluids. I feel a cold liquid rush into my arm. It shocks me back into reality. I understand him as he shouts instructions to the driver, tells my parents I’ll be airlifted to Boston.
I lift my phone and it’s calling Luke, thank god. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do it with my fingers turned to sausages. It rings and rings and rings. Then his voice fills my ear, his smooth, deep voice. I smile, but it’s not really him, just voicemail. I listen to him ask me to leave a message or text if it’s about fall softball league. There’s a loud beep, and for a moment I don’t know what to say.
“Luke,” I say, struggling to get the words out. “You’re the brightest light I’ve ever known. We’ll always be part of each other—for us that’s true.” I pause, wait to see if more words want to make their way out of the tangle of my mind. “I love you, Luke.” It feels so simple. It feels like there could never be enough. It has to be enough. I hang up and squeeze my phone in my hand as the ambulance screams through the night.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Sera
