I start typing “Go fuck yourself!” but quickly delete it before I can hit send. I toss my phone to the side and pace around my room, swinging my arms in circles as I go, running through the deep-breathing techniques I learned at the first and only yoga class I ever attended. In for four, hold for four, out for eight. It’s not working. Why isn’t it fucking working?
IknowI have no right to be pissed off, but my heart has a mind of its own, it seems. My pulse is pounding in my head. This is what happens when you get involved.I should never have said yes to helping him out. My life was so chill before him.
I hate that he’s getting to me like this, and I can’t figure out how to make it right again.
I decide to run through my strategy out loud.
“Okay, girl.” I clap my hands to try to psych myself up. “Help himone last time. He gets a girlfriend. He forgets you. Then you gobackto your nice little low-key life.”
I repeat my mantra back to myself, and once I’m sure I’ve locked it down in my brain, I reach for my phone.
CARRIE:OK. I’m free now, if you want.
Let’s get this over and done with.
WOLINSKILLMENOW:Yay! Lemme just wrap up here. See you at mine.
At his? I shrug. Fine by me. That way I won’t be reminded of everything we got up to in my room.I don’t want to be that girl anymore. No more sleeping with him. It’s not fair to Cheyenne, and it’s not good for my mental health, either.
I pull on a pair of wide-leg jeans, throw on a basic tee. I slip on my sneakers and brush my hair, before pulling it up into my usual bun. I drop my glasses on my bedside table, grab my bag, and hit the road.
ON MY WAY TO DONOVAN’Sdorm, I see Lois sitting under a tree.
“Carrie!”
She gestures at me to wait and jogs across the street. She’s so different from last year’s old, depressed Lois. These days, she’s like the poster girl for boundless positivity. It’s kind of freaky.
“How’s things?”
“Amazing! You going to class?”
“Nope.” I keep my voice as level as I can. “On my way to see Donovan.”
She flashes me a knowing smile, and her soft, round face brightens.
“Lane told me Don is going on a date tonight.” She raises an eyebrow. “So, are you guys—”
“It’s not a date with me,” I blurt out.
I don’t want her getting the wrong idea.
“Really? Okay…” She frowns. “Damn. So, how are you?”
“I’m great, Lois. Why do you ask?”
“Just checking.” She shrugs. “Never mind! Listen, my brother is in town for a few days. We’re thinking of hitting the Java Bar. Any interest?”
Why is she looking at me like that?
“I need to work on my end-of-year project, but I could maybe swing by.”
“Great!”
Lois pulls me in for a hug before heading back across the street, and I eye her curiously. She definitely had a weird look on her face, like she was surprised I wasn’t sad about this date of Don’s.God—not you, too, Lois.
I start walking, running through the master plan again in my mind.If everything goes well today, your tenure at the Wolinski Academy will be officially over—over! Gimme an O! Gimme a V! O-V-E-R!I’m doing my best to be my own personal cheerleader, here.
I GET TO DONOVAN’S INrecord time, and I’m just about to knock when I hear rustling behind me. Turns out we made it to his at the exact same time.
