DONOVAN:Big plans?
CARRIE:Weekend reading challenge—finish a new four-book series.
DONOVAN:Intense. And you needed to head out of town for that? They got really comfy armchairs in Cincy, or something?
CARRIE:It’s home, you moron! My mom lives here.
Crazy. I never even knew that’s where she’s from—yet another thing I never thought to ask.
CARRIE:I come down for the weekend pretty often.
DONOVAN:I had no idea. You don’t tell me shit!
CARRIE:Life’s a bitch!
DONOVAN:Tell me, oh wise one—what do I do if my future girlfriend is an under-sharer?
CARRIE:Buy her drinks.
DONOVAN:That’s not a bad idea. Isn’t that what the guitarist in that one book does? You know, when he’s trying to get to the bottom of the singer’s deep dark secret.
CARRIE:Impressive memory. Shame you never remember the useful stuff, like what actually turns a girl off.
DONOVAN:Like when a guy says “Come for me, baby”?
CARRIE:Exactly like that.
Just the thought of it makes me want to puke.
DONOVAN:It was amazing!
CARRIE:It was terrible…
DONOVAN:It was fate!
CARRIE:Dude, I already told you not to take the stuff you read in books too literally. The “come for me, baby” line is the kindof thing that doesn’t translate to real life. Like up-against-the-wall fucking. It’s just not a thing.
My mouth falls open.
DONOVAN:Uh, I hate to break it to you, but—itisa thing.
CARRIE:Nope.
DONOVAN:Yup. Trust me. I know my shit.
CARRIE:Porn isn’t a reliable source of information, you know…
She’s definitely misjudged me—some very real memories are springing to mind as we speak, and though I can’t remember the chick’s name, Idoremember what she looked like pressed up against my bedroom wall. I remember the other four, too, but in every one of my memories, they all have Carrie’s face.Shit. I was feeling horny before I messaged her, and that was bad enough. Now it turns out she’s miles away from campus, and I’m all alone here—just me and my hard-on. I sneak a look around the table and scrape back my chair.
“I’m gonna get some rest. See you Sunday night, guys.”
Keeping my back to them, I scuttle into my bedroom, and it feels like my shorts are about to burst open as I throw myself on the bed and check the new message that just popped up.
CARRIE:Anyway! Still got three books to get through, so I’m checking out.
Enjoy the rest of your morning!
Not so fast, little lady!This is way too juicy to end here.
