My eyes widen.
“Sorry, that was a horrible thing to say.” I wince.
He shrugs, tracing the grooves in the wooden table with his fingertips. “I didn’t tell a soul, you know. Not my parents, not my friends. Nobody.”
“You can trust me.”
“I know. And it’s weird, because we’ve only barely met.” He flicks a quick glance my way. “I spent the whole summer going back through those years, looking for excuses—ways to justify my behavior.”
I nod slowly. “And what about your sister? Is she holding up?”
“She says she is. Boxing is basically her outlet now, and she’s been dating this guy for a year, too. A nice guy, apparently,” he adds.
“Is she still mad at you?”
“Yeah.” He frowns. “I must’ve apologized a hundred times already. I sent messages, I tried calling, but it’s like there’s this door that slammed shut. She needs time, and there’s nothing I can do to speed that up. I want her to know that I hear her. And that I want to make up for it.”
“I don’t have siblings, so I can only imagine how painful it must be to lose your sister’s trust like that. I’m sorry for her. And for you. I’m sorry for both of you.”
“For me?”
“Yes.”
The light shifts in his eyes. A faint glimmer of sadness. I want so badly to reach over and take his hand in mine.
“I want her to forgive me, but for that to happen, I need to show her that I’ve changed.” He straightens up. “You know what the worst part is? Up until I found out, I was still a selfish dick whose only priority was his next hookup.”
I shrug. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. That’s how most people roll. Trust me, you’re never too old to change…”
Hear that, Dad?
“I was the worst big brother, and it kills me that I can’t change the past.”
“So, your plan is to become the amazingest boyfriend ever to prove you aren’t a complete lowlife anymore?”
“Sounds kinda stupid now that you say it out loud.”
“I just don’t understand what it’s got to do with girls,” I caution.
“It makes perfect sense to me.”
“Well, I guess that’s all that matters…”
Silence settles between us. I can feel Donovan’s eyes on me as I tear my napkin into a thousand pieces.
“Sorry for saying you were harassing me. I was way out of line with that one.”
“I really freaked out when you said that, but you had a point.” He holds up his hands. “I shouldn’t have been this insistent.”
“Amen to that.”
We fall quiet, both of us lost in thought. My mind is whirring. I’ve always seen Donovan as the total write-off he just described, and I’m still semi-confused by his game plan. Trying to buy your sister’s forgiveness by embarking on a boyfriend boot camp is the weirdestthing I’ve heard in a while, but I like how he’s being proactive, at least. He’s trying to make up for what he did wrong, and that counts for something.
Donovan glances down at his phone. “Damn. A ride just came through.” He meets my gaze. “It felt so good to talk to someone about all this. Thanks, Carrie.”
Is that it?
“No worries.”
