“Exactly!” Her cheeks flush. “You have the perfect family, Don! Your parents are divorced, but they act like they’re still married. Compare that to my situation—a deadbeat dad and a crazy mom. And then you’ve got me, trying to do my best in this complete shit show.”
“Are you mad?”
“Mad at my mom?”
“At your dad. He didn’t just abandon your mom. He ditched you, too.”
Her eyes widen, like it never occurred to her before.
“I never really thought of it like that. Once he moved out, it was kind of a relief, not hearing them fight. And then later on, I hated how sad he made my mom.” Her eyes are blank. “I never stopped to wonder what I really felt.”
“I’d say that’s the root of the problem, right there.”
She nods slowly. “And that’s exactly why I need to learn to be a good girlfriend. I’ve spent days thinking this through.”
“And after days of careful thought, you decided that flashing me would be the way to go?”
She smiles. “Okay, it didn’t go exactly to plan, I’ll admit it. But it seemed like a good way of saying sorry.”
“Hmm.” I pretend to think. “A week of you being my filthy little sub should do the trick. If you could wash my car, I—”
“I’m serious, Don.”
“Same here.”
“I need us to start over. I want to get better.”
“Wait, is this your way of rejecting me?” I frown. “Again?”
“This is me trying to do things properly,” she argues.
“So I’m just ‘things’ now?”
She eyes me. “You know what I mean.”
“All I know is you’re lying there on my bed looking like a million bucks. Consider yourself forgiven.”
“I need you to give me some time.”
“Request denied. What I saw under that trench makes me think it’s going to take way too long for you to become an amazing girlfriend. Possibly years.” I sigh. “I’m gonna take you as you are—a batshit weirdo I’m prepared to accept for who she is. Now, maybe that makes me totally naive, but no, Carrie.” I shake my head. “I’m not okay with giving you some time.”
“You don’t get to—”
“Hey!” I hold up a hand. “I’m now the gold standard of boyfriend material, remember? Whatever your flaws, I balance you out with my perfection.”
She scowls. “I should’ve brought more milk.”
“Beep! Beep!” I make flashing signs with my hands. “Bad girlfriend radar, activated!”
“I’m not your girlfriend yet.”
Urgh. All I want is for her to say she’s mine, because she can’t imagine life without me.Is that too much to ask?
“What else can you do for me, then?”
She brings a finger to her chin. “I could bake you gluten-free cookies. Knit you a sweater, organize your boxers by color…”
“You suck at girlfriending.”
