“Donovan, you can do this. You don’t need me to…”
He’s asking too much here. Way too much.
“Please.”
“This isn’t hard. Tell her you get it now—you understand how you messed up, and you’re making changes so it’ll never happen again. It’s no big deal.” I scour his face. “What happened to the badass I saw out there on the court today?”
“I need you there with me,” he insists. “Call me selfish, but Iknowhow this is going to go down. I’ll be standing there in front of her feeling so fucking small, and I need you there to feel okay about myself.”
The way he’s looking at me cuts me to the core.
“I can’t do it, Donovan.” I shake my head slowly. “I’m sorry—but I just can’t.”
It hurts to turn him down. He’s being genuine, here—I can see how freaked out he is, and I feel myself waver, but… No. I’ve trampled over every single one of my values and boundaries to work with him, but going to meet his parents? That’s a step too far.
22DONOVAN
I’ve been awake for a good half hour, but I keep my eyes shut tight, replaying the game over and over in my mind. It’s been a couple of days now, and I still feel like beating the crap out of Berenson. I somehow managed to keep it together on Wednesday night, and I didn’t act on any of this. But now I’m lying here on my stomach, imagining all the ways I could’ve fucked him up for hitting on Carrie right in front of me.
It’s official. As of today, I’m twenty-two years old, and for the first time in my life, I’m well and truly… jealous.
When I saw them out there in the parking lot, I wasthisclose to hitting the gas and running that asshole down. Instead, I chose a different tactic, and looking back, I’m glad I did. I’ve spent so long dying to kiss Carrie again—if anything, I guess I should be thanking Berenson for handing me the opportunity on a plate.
I needed to ask her whether she’d come with me to Dad’s tonight, which kind of sucked—if I hadn’t, I’d have tried my luck right there in the car. Adam and Lewis showed up right as I was about to kiss her again—and she would’ve let me. I saw it in her eyes, which is a good sign. I can make this happen. I can feel it. It’s all about the timing, and my plan is to leave it until after dinner with my parents. Which I still can’t believe she said yes to, by the way.
On our way back to hers after the game, I swallowed my pride and basically got to my knees. Throw in a pinch of subtle guilt-tripping, and she ended up yelling “Fine! I’ll come!” just as she slammed the car door shut.
I’m still nervous she’ll bail, though. Or worse, make me pay somehow. I’d be okay with making it up to her between the sheets, but knowing her…
I hear murmuring in the corridor, followed by my bedroom door creaking open, and footsteps drawing closer to the bed. I decide to play dead.
“I still think a bucket of water could work,” Lewis whispers.
“You kidding me? I still have so much life left to live.”
Adam is with him, then.
“Yeah, you wouldn’t want to die a virgin, dude,” Carter says.
Lane laughs quietly. “I’m a year older than you guys—I’m down for the bucket.”
“Two against one!”
“Shut the hell up, Lewis!” Carter hisses. “You’re gonna wake him up.”
“That’s kinda the point. I don’t wanna be spending all day scratching my balls, watching him sleep.”
My friends are gathered around my bed like a bunch of frat bros plotting their next hazing. I weigh my options. I guess I could carry on fake sleeping, but I need to get to class.
I kick off the comforter and roll onto my back.
“In case they ask in court—I did not give consent.”
The guys start singing as one.
“Happy birthday to you—”
It’s terrible.
