Ten, eleven, twelve, like a little girl…
There’s something more insidious bubbling away under all that anger, though—doubt. Flip-flopping back and forth like this isn’t something I’m used to. My usual MO is to just get shit done, and see how it pans out, but now Lewis is messing with my head, and I’ve gota million unanswered questions to deal with.Was I a bad lay? Is that why he wanted to make sure I knew it wouldn’t happen again?That’d surprise me, but who knows? I was so,sointo it, I guess there’s a chance I maybe took more than I gave. I have no clue anymore. But he took control, didn’t he? And it felt so good. He…
Shit—just listen to yourself!
This whole situation is really, really screwing with me.
I’ve lost count of the number of guys I’ve slept with, and I’ve never felt confused the way I do now. He’s also the only guy who’s ever given me the “maybe see you around sometime” talk. What is goingon?
I toss my rope to the ground and do a few push-ups, until my sister calls out from the backyard.
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
“What?”
“I know you—when you work out like this, it’sforsomeone.”
I roll onto my back, panting. “Some guy from college.”
“Some cute guy?”
“Uh, sure, Big Mamma!”
“You never talk guys to me.”
I glance at her. “Seriously? You want your baby sister to tell you about all the dicks she—”
She clamps her hands over her ears. “Spare me the details!”
I count to ten before launching into a set of crunches, ignoring the way Raven is just standing over me, stroking her tummy.
“I’m kinda jealous of your abs…”
“Just you wait. In a few months’ time, I’ll be helping you work off that barbecue-sauce belly…”
I stare up into her face, watching her bite her lip. I know this girl by heart. She isn’t here to watch me work out. Something’s on her mind, and she’s been dancing around it since I got back from Brooklyn two days ago. I was surprised she didn’t make a lunge for me—try to force an explanation out of me. Something feels wrong, and I’m on edge.
“Why’d you go to New York on Thursday?”
Knew it.
I would’ve loved to just head to Brooklyn low-key, but with a stalker sister like mine, there wasnoway that was happening. I don’t have any friends I could have crashed with, either. The only thing I had was a little time to bring RJ up to speed with my plan.
“Like Ronny told you—I went to pick up a car with one of his rich clients.”
She lets out a bark of laughter. “Because you think I trust RJ?”
“Why not?” I shrug. “He’s always been there for us since Dad died.”
“In a way.” She nods slowly. “Why didn’t he just go himself, though? I’m guessing you missed classes… You’re not gonna get kicked out again, are you?”
“No, Raven. I’m not gonna get kicked out.” I sigh. “Just trying to help us earn a living, that’s all. Plus, I didn’t miss anything. It was exam week—I left town as soon as I finished my last one. And I did a great job on them, by the way,” I add.
She nods, and I can tell she’s still not fully reassured.
“You’d tell me if you went to see Mom, wouldn’t you?”
I freeze.So that’s what she’s been thinking!I fall back. It didn’t even occur to me to swing by the house when I was up there. There’s not a single thing I miss about home, except for my dad. And I won’t be seeing him there again.
