“Come on, Carrie… Back off,” Don warns.
“She’s right, though.” I hang my head.
Adam puts a hand on my shoulder. “So, what’s the situation?”
“I got dumped by my girlfriend—that’s the situation.”
“Daaaamn!” Carrie gasps. “Did he actually just use the g-word? Unironically?”
“Carrie!”
She shoots Don a sheepish look. “Sorryyyy…”
That’s when it hits me.
If I’m going to play the game of my life against the world’s most enigmatic team, I’m going to need teammates.
“Why is he looking at me like that?” Carrie asks nervously, pulling back. “Don, make him stop.”
“I need you, Carrie.”
She jumps up. “I need to go dry my hair.”
“Please!” I whine. “Your romances… There must be something in those books of yours that c—”
“No! Bad boy!” She throws her wet towel in my face. “Not this again! I already tutored Wolinski, and I’mstillpaying for it.”
Her boyfriend laughs. “You aresofull of crap…”
“Guys, listen!” I yell. “Carrie, you need to tell me what the secret is. How do I make it so Amy can’t imagine life without me?”
Her mouth falls open, and I’m guessing I phrased that all wrong, because she starts pacing up and down the living room, shaking her head from side to side.
“Guys, he’sreallyfreaking me out…”
“How do I win her back?” I ask.
“This is all just a dream…”
“I’ve got an idea!” Lane pipes up.
“Oh God,” Lois mutters under her breath.
“We should script the shit out of this!” Lane beams at me. “Fuck, I mean… I’ve got, like, a million concepts for you. Imagine you sneak into the hospital disguised as a doctor, except you’re naked underneath the white coat. And then you whip out this huge needle, and you end up saving her life! If I get Carter in on it, we can get the show on the road by the end of the week—and I’m talking award-winning stuff.”
Everybody stares at him in silence, until Adam and Don burst into laughter. Lois and Carrie just sit there, their mouths ajar, and as for me—I’m torn.
“It worked on Lois!” he pouts.
She slaps his arm. “Umm—no…”
“I wrote you an amazing screenplay that had you hooked.”
“How come I didn’t get a hot doctor costume?”
“You got the massive needle…” He wiggles his eyebrows.
I snap my fingers in his face. “Can you guys discuss Lane’s dick some other time? We’ve got business to attend to here.”
