“Ask Amy!” Raven hisses, scooping Joey up into her arms and disappearing into the bedroom.
The sound of the door slamming echoes through the apartment, vibrating deep inside me, the pain searing. I take a deep breath in and instantly know I’m about to throw up.
“Shit, are you hurt?” Charlotte examines my face. “Who did this to you?”
Thank you, Charlotte. Thank you for caring.Shame it’s too little, too late.
“Does it matter?” I ask coldly. “You know me—just can’t help fucking up.”
“Amy…”
She reaches for my elbow, but I shrug her off, lurching down the hall to lock myself away in my bathroom, falling to my knees as the contents of my stomach empty. Every fresh heave slices through my temples until I can’t take it anymore. I roll over onto my back and lie there, feeling the tiles cool against my skin. In one last act of insanity,I grapple for my phone, my eyes searching for Lewis’s name and some sign of life.Nothing.I shut my eyes. I need him—and I hate that I need him. I was so excited to see him, and now suddenly, I hate him. He pretends to be my anchor, something safe for me to cling to. But when I need him, he’s nowhere to be seen. He left me hanging at that bar. If he’d been there like he was meant to be, none of this would have happened. This is all his fault—or maybe it’s mine. Maybe I let him have too much of a hold over me. Maybe I’m not solid enough for this.
I choke back a sob and drag myself over to my bed, and when sleep finally comes, it’s fitful and restless and wild.
27AMY
It’s been two whole days since the bar fight. Two whole days I’ve spent curled up in bed, and still I’m exhausted, like I’ve spent weeks on the go.
Ever since we moved here, I’ve been pouring heart and soul into making everything right, balancing classes, my problems, and my epic mood swings. I’ve given it my all, fighting hard to build a new life for myself, and it just hasn’t happened for me. I’m stripped of any reserves I might once have had, and now I’m right back where I started—except this time, I don’t have the strength to brush myself off and bounce back.
Charlotte has knocked on my door a few times, pleading with me to crawl out of my hole, but I’m not budging. Raven hasn’t even checked in on me once, which doesn’t exactly make me want to show my face.
I fumble for my phone, like I’ve done a million times over the past two days. Considering how much I hate phone calls, this is a new one for me. Lewis has been playing dead, so when I glance at the screen this time, I’m expecting what I usually get—a big fat nothing.
LEWIS:Hey, Firebird! The past three days have been literally insane, just catching my breath now. Got so much to tell you. Driving lesson at five sound good?
I bolt upright and throw off my comforter as a wave of heat rushes through me. I peer at my screen. I’m holding my breath, I realize.Is this some kind of sick joke? You think you can just pop back up, like “Hey, girl”? Where’s my “Sorry I messed up on Wednesday, Amy”?
The worst part about this whole situation is how excited I am. The way he blows hot and cold like this has my head spinning. Yesterday, I was beyond pissed. Today, all it takes is a single message, and I’m hooked again. The truth is, I have nothing to compare this to. Did I overreact?
I stare at the screen. I’m of two minds, and this constant yo-yoing is exhausting. I toss the phone on my bed and sink back into the pillows.
“Go fuck yourself. You think you can whistle and I’ll just roll over?” I shake my head. “Seriously—go fuck yourself.”
MaybeIshould leavehimon read. See how he likes that. Take a little time-out to think things through. Suddenly, an idea hits me—one that feels authentically “me.” I need to channel all this into something that makes sense, before I genuinely lose it. And I want him to get a good look at how messed up my face is—all because of him.
I roll onto my side and feel for my phone, shooting off a text before I can talk myself out of it.
AMY:OK.
And with those two little letters, it’s game on. I don’t care how I do it—I want clarity. And I want it now.
LEWIS:Great! Meet outside my dorm.
I throw on some music, grab my headphones, and head out for a run to work off the adrenaline before jumping in the shower and giving the cut above my eye a good clean. I’ve never looked so Brooklyn, and I can’t wait to see what Lewis makes of the new, ugly me. Let’s see whether he reacts the same way Raven did. Fingers crossed the guilt eats away at him and he drops to his knees, begging for forgiveness.
On the way over to campus, butterflies are going crazy in my stomach. I get there at five on the dot and pace up and down thesidewalk, chewing on my nails. I used to feel excited before meeting up with Lewis. This time, I’m a hot mess.
At quarter past five, there’s still no sign of him, and my blood starts to boil. Nowayam I waiting this time—this isnothappening again. I head for the stairs, my mind racing, desperate to teach him a lesson, determined to make sure he never shows up late again, when I hear voices ahead of me—the jangling of keys.Adam and Lewis.They’re pushing open the door to their apartment, and where I’m standing now at the corner of the steps, I’m tucked out of sight. I’m just about to head up to join them, when I stop cold.
“Next time you come get me, don’t forget your phone!” Lewis snaps.
“How ’bout next time I come get you,youdon’t forget to charge yours? How’s it my fault your phone died?”
“Whatever, man. I’m running late for Amy, and I can’t even give her a heads-up!”
His phone died? I soften. That makes sense. I’m just about to clear my throat when Adam’s next question knocks the wind out of me.
