“Uh-huh,” I answer, without really listening.
I put down the cup in the sink and stride over to grab my wallet and car keys.
“When will you be b—”
Before she can finish, Carter picks up and I cut her off.
“Hey, it’s me. Got everything, or should I pick something up on my way?”
“All good.”
“Cool. I’m leaving now.”
I toss Lois a “See ya” and slam the door behind me.
I drive with the music blasting, but by the time I get to Carter’s, there’s a tightness spreading across my chest. I knock back a beer as soon as I step through the door.
“I got a new video game.” Carter waves the case at me.
I nod and fall back on his couch. I can feel his concern from here, but he knows I’ll snap out of it. Today is when I hit peak darkness, and my friend knows just to ride it out. He’s not doing all that great himself, anyway—Mike was his best friend, they were Adam-and-Lewis level. Cart and I go deep, but he was like a brother to Mike, too.
He flicks on the console, and we spend the next few hours playing in silence. I can’t focus—Cart is destroying me. After one too many easy wins, he tosses the controller on the couch and thrusts a flyer at me.
“Pizza?”
“Whatever.”
“I hate seeing you like this, buddy. Mike would, too.”
“Good thing he’s dead, then.” I pinch my nose.
He shoots me a sideways glance. “Hilarious.”
“I’m not like you, Cart.” I sigh. “It’s been three years, but I can’t stop thinking about everything him and I should’ve done together. All the stuff we’ll never get to do.”
“Why do you look so guilty when you talk about him? It was an accident, Lane—it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that. But part of me feels guilty I get to experience things Mike never will. It’s not fucking fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.”
“And death sucks.”
I look up at the ceiling, breathing hard. The walls are closing in on me, pressing the air out of my lungs.
“Forget the pizza,” I say. “Let’s hit up that party. Grab your stuff and let’s go.”
“For real?”
“Yeah. I need space, girls, and more booze.”
He frowns. “Girls?”
“What?”
He watches in silence as I pull on my jacket and shoes.
“You coming, or what?”
