“No, you’re not getting it.” She shakes her head furiously. “I want my life withhimback. That’s what I want.” Her tone has shifted. “That’s what I’m going to do!”
I snort. “Are you saying you plan on molding yourself to fit his totally unrealistic expectations in the hope you’ll get him back?”
“Yup.”
“That’s not how it works, Lois. You can’t be what you’re not, trust me!”
“What would you know?” She narrows her eyes.
“Easy there, Heartbreak! I might suck at relationship stuff, but you don’t need to be a genius to know your idea sucks.”
“I need to become the best version of myself.”
I can practically hear her brain fizzing. Her hand slips off her leg and reaches for the bottle of vodka in front of us, and with each fresh gulp, she nods her head harder. Whatever plan she is busy hatching, she seems to be in agreement with herself, at least. There’s a light shining in her eyes, and it’s almost kind of scary. I ease the bottle out of her hand.
“I think you’ve had enough.”
I give what little is left a shake and knock it back in a single shot. Just as I’m about to swallow, I freeze, my arm hovering in midair, the bottle pressed to my lips. Lois has fallen back against my chest, her hair tickling my chin. The scent of her shampoo fills the space between us, and a fluttering makes its way to the pit of my stomach.That’s what I get for having too much to drink.
I want to get up, but her back is heavy against my chest, and I don’t dare move. She’s still lost in thought, and I’m guessing she hasn’t realized just how close we are now. She’s not the type to be coming on to me, and so I wait for her to put some distance between us.
A few minutes later, and I’m getting impatient. When she finally staggers to her feet and slips out of the room in silence, I’m expecting to feel relieved, but as it turns out, I don’t. I blink, jumping to my feet way too fast. My head is spinning. I can’t seem to catch my breath.
I listen as the fridge opens and shuts, and head back to the living room, where Lois is knocking back a beer on her couch—What am I saying? Onmycouch!
“I’m wondering: Does Kirk have a soft spot for alcoholics, too?”
“Beer helps me think,” she replies hoarsely.
That’s the problem with booze. What seems like an amazingfucking idea when you’re drunk turns out to be a car crash the next day. I swipe up the remote from the counter and fall back next to her with a sigh, channel surfing for a while until I find a baseball game, and though I try to focus on the play, my eyes keep drifting over to her.
“I know what you’re thinking.” She glares at me.
I lift an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yeah.” She shifts in her seat. “I can feel your bad vibes from here, you party pooper!Happy birthday, by the way.”
What? I barely have time to register the subject change when suddenly she’s on her knees on the couch, jabbing a finger at me, eyes wild with defiance.
“I’m gonna show him I can be just the kind of girl he wants,” she crows. “I’m gonna change. Starting tomorrow. And you know what? Soon, you’ll be thanking me!”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, sir! Once I’ve changed, you won’t have to deal with my fat ass on your couch.”
“Come on now, Lois—”
“Nope! Nuh-uh!” She cuts me off, pressing her index finger to my lips with all the gentleness of a girl who’s truly wasted.
“Is that really what you want?”
“Yes,” she breathes out, settling back into the cushions. “Yes,” she repeats, as if she’s just seen the light, and the revelation has drained every last drop of energy out of her. “There’s no point feeling sorry for myself. I need a goal, and this one’s perfect.”
I shrug. At the end of the day, she can do what she likes. I couldn’t care less. And though I think the whole thing is a load of crap, at least she’s managed an entire ten minutes without crying. That’s got to be a record. If a wild plan is what it takes to get her back on her feet, then so be it. I’m sick and tired of hearing her sniffling away, and if this idea of hers gets her out of my apartment sooner than planned, then I’m all for it.
She sinks back into silence, and I do the same, absent-mindedlypicking at the couch, smiling when I hear soft snores floating up from my right. I have never seen anyone fall asleep that fast. I glance over at her, wondering how the hell I ever agreed to what’s turning out to be the weirdest roommate situation ever. I want my apartment to myself again, but I have to admit that having her here takes my mind off things.
I whisk the beer out of her hand and turn back to the TV. I’ll wait until the end of the inning, and then head to bed. That’s the plan, anyway.
