Before he can answer, I slip out of the car, but I barely have time to take a couple of steps when I feel his hand on my arm again.
“I just told you my brother died.”
“And I’m so sorry for that,” I say. “Genuinely. If I lost one of my brothers, there’s no way I’d be able to get over it. Or maybe Icould—if I had friends who mattered to me, people I could share my pain with.”
“That’s not me.” He loosens his grip on my arm. “It took a lot for me to tell you just now. But it feels good. I’m glad you know.”
I know I’m going to regret what I say next, but I can’t keep it in.
“It’s a shame it’s all a little too late.”
He lets go of my wrist, his face crumpling, and I look away, turning on my heel as I make my way toward the mall. Just as Lane’s engine starts up, Kirk calls out from the entrance.Shit. I totally forgot all about Kirk.
While I wait for the lights to change, I stare across the road at him waiting for me. What the hell am I doing? Do I really want to hang out with my ex right now? I feel like I’m playacting my way through my own life. I should just leave and head back to campus—I’m not in the right headspace for Kirk.
I watch as he darts through the traffic, ambling up the sidewalk to join me.
“Hey!” He pulls me in for a hug, and I shudder. “Everything okay?” His eyes search mine, his hands still resting on my shoulders. “I saw you with Lane. What did he want?”
“Nothing.”
“What did he say?”
I clench my jaw, suppressing the urge to shove him back. Kirk is standing too close, and the last thing I want is to discuss Lane with him. I’m still reeling from what just happened.
“Lois?”
His fingers brush my chin as he tilts my head up to look at him.
“Forget it.”
“I don’t want that guy sniffing around you anymore.”
I blink. The anger layered under my pain is slowly sparking again. He can see the tear tracks running down my face, and yet the only thing he cares about is Lane.
“What?”
“I don’t want some guy hanging around my girlfriend—”
“Yourgirlfriend?” I bristle. “Last I checked, you dumped me.”
He leans into me, his lips pursed.
“What the hell, Kirk?!” I take a step back.
“Things change.”
His confidence is unbearable. I’m tempted to slap him, I’m tempted to kiss him, too: just to see whether it erases the hurt of the past six months. I should try, at least. I should want to try. This is the moment I’ve spent so long daydreaming about after all, but as I scour the face I used to love, something in me is pushing back. Kirk takes my silence for consent, and doubles down.
When I feel his breath against my lips, I slam my hands into his stomach and shove him back.
“Stop.”
“Why? I know you still have feelings for me.”
I’m so tired of people using me.
“Not like that,” I say, shaking my head. “Not anymore.”
