She slaps a hand over her forehead and shuts her eyes. When she opens them again, I recognize the expression flitting across her features, I’ve seen it once before. But I’m too pissed to focus right now. She balls her hand into a fist, jabbing a finger in my face.
“This morning, I went down to the office to tell them I was turning down the room I’ve been waiting months for, because I thought…”She starts to laugh. “You want me to spend the year sleeping on a couch?” she asks flatly.
For a split second, I see her eyes fill with hurt, and it’s nearly enough to break me. Nearly.
“That a problem?” I snipe.
“You made me give up a room for that fucking couch?”
“That ‘fucking couch’ didn’t seem too shabby when your ex threw you out like a pile of shit, did it? And it wasn’t too bad yesterday, was it?”
I send the words slicing through the air. And they land perfectly. She freezes, her eyes widening. Alarm bells are ringing somewhere at the back of my mind, but all I can focus on right now is my rage.
“What’s the big deal with that room, anyway? It’s empty—so why can’t I have it?”
“It’s not… You’re the big deal! You’re the problem here, do you get that?” I shake my head. “I gave youeverythingyou wanted—and now that’s not enough?”
She frowns, and I watch as something like understanding dawns on her face. She blinks. I can hear her breathing from here.
“So basically—nothing’s changed?” she murmurs. “Just so we’re clear, Lane: I’m just stupid little Heartbreak, a girl you randomly fuck on the couch whenever you feel like it?” Her voice is louder now, her lip curled with disgust. “Like a kind of sex snack?”
Deep down, I want to tell her she’s wrong—but my mouth has other ideas.
“What did you expect?” I narrow my eyes at her. “We slept together, Lois. Get over it. It doesn’t mean you get to do whatever the hell you want—that was never part of the deal.”
I’m a black belt in the art of self-defense, and I deliver the words like a blow, without so much as a flinch. In a sick way, she’s making things easier for me. At least this way I don’t have to deal with any complicated feelings.
“Why?” she whispers.
“Why what?”
“New Year’s Eve, the week after that, last night—what did it all mean?”
“Nothing!” I yell. “It meant fuckingnothing!” I’ve gone too far, but I’m on a roll, and I can’t hold back. “Don’t go anywhere near that room again. Got it?”
“Got it.”
Her eyes darken, and the air between us chills. I can’t breathe. I need to get out of here, and fast. Without a word, I turn on my heel and hit the stairs, too out of control to realize what just happened, too caught up in the moment to understand what I’ve just done.
In the safety of my car, I pummel the steering wheel with my fists. I need to blow off some steam. I hit the gas and go flying down the road, heading nowhere. I decide to call Juliet and let her know I plan on spending the weekend at her place. Juliet is my safe space—never any drama, never too many questions. She’s like a sister to me, and between her shifts at the bar and her one-night stands, she’s more like me than Carter. I’m guessing she won’t even be home, and if she is, she’ll be hopping in the shower, having a quick nap, and heading back out, leaving me with the perfect hideaway for a weekend alone.
I spend the next two days knocking back the booze, slumped in a stupor. By the time Monday rolls around I’m back in my car, and it’s too late to head to campus. Though I’m not ready to face Lois just yet, I have no choice but to go home, praying that she’s fucked off to her dorm by now. This whole situation has been totally over the top. All I want is to get back to my old life: the good old days, before I knew her, before anything she ever made me feel. I turn the idea over and over in my mind like a mantra, and shoot a message off to my friends, asking them to meet me at my apartment. I could crash at their place, but I discard the idea as soon as it lands—I can’t keep running away.
I pull up outside my building and sit there in my car waiting forbackup like the biggest pussy ever, and by the time Adam rolls up with Don hot on his heels, the sun has firmly set.
“I didn’t see you on campus today,” Don starts, punching my shoulder. “Don’t screw this year up, dude.”
I glance over his shoulder. “Lewis not with you?”
“No, I don’t know what his deal is. He didn’t come to today’s practical session. Lois didn’t, either,” he adds. “Damn, you guys are dropping like flies.”
Lois played hooky? That doesn’t sound like her…Who cares what she does? Not my problem.I stare up at the building, taking in the soft glow spilling out of my apartment window. Has she been hanging around waiting for me since Friday? A pang of guilt shoots through me, but I shove it to one side and step toward the entrance.
We tumble into the elevator, my heart racing at the thought of confronting Lois up there—but pushing open the door, I realize the place is empty. I should be glad, but I catch myself scouring the space for her bags, breathing out a sigh of relief when I spot them against the living room wall, back where she first left them all those months ago.
I can’t tell whether I’m happy she cleared out the bedroom, or relieved she hasn’t left.Shit, I don’t know what I want anymore.
I rush over to my sound system, hook up to the Bluetooth, and blast the loudest playlist I have.
