“Why?” I ask.
I’m so scared of how he’ll answer.
His hand hovers on my rib cage. I can’t even hear him breathe anymore. Did sleeping together help unlock something inside him? I need to know what he wants from me. From us.I think I just realized that what I want is an us. Period.
“We had a deal, remember? The plan was always that I move out,” I offer. “Plus, there’s a closet there, there’s even a desk…”
I don’t give a shit about any of that, but I need to hear how far he’s prepared to go to stop me leaving, and I want to know whether this whole situation is connected to how weird he’s been since Christmas, too. I’m about to bring up the bed, when he cuts me off.
“I should never have waited this long,” he starts awkwardly.
Oh my God!
“I’m going to empty the closet,” he continues.
“In the bedroom?”
“Yeah. And you can have the desk space—I never use it.”
My breath catches in my throat. The secret empty room. All these months, and finally I’m being given the key. If he wants me to stick around, then maybe he does feel the way I do. This is Lane we’re dealing with here: the guy who had a zero-guest policy last summer. And now he wants me to stay. In a real bedroom of my own. Sayonara, couch! And sure, he said it’s only until next August, only until I find a better dorm—but let’s get real: I know that’s just an excuse. And no,he hasn’t offered uphisbedroom, but it’s a start. This buys me enough time to try and make sense of it all. Kirk has always been the elephant in the room—it makes sense that Lane would be a little wary. As soon as the time is right, I plan on telling him that he’s the one I want. I know that now.
I bite my lip. “Are you sure?”
I want him to tell me that yes he’s sure, that everything’s changed between us, that all he can think about is us and doing it all over again, right now, right here, all the time—
“Yeah,” he says. “You?”
I nod slowly.
“Okay. So we have a new deal. I’m spending the whole day with Carter tomorrow—we’re meeting a producer to go through a contract. You can put your stuff away, arrange everything the way you want it.”
“Sounds good. I’ll need to head down to the office to turn down the room. Are you sure you—”
“I’m sure. There’s more than enough space here. Beats that overpriced rabbit hutch, that’s for sure,” he adds.
“I can pay my way—”
“I own this place, Lois. Just keep the groceries coming.”
I’m tempted to ask whether there’s anything else I should keep on coming, too, but I think we’re done here. I don’t want to ruin the moment.
The weight of him is warming my back, and I suddenly feel super tired. Just before I drift off to sleep, I start daydreaming about what it would be like if every day was like today.
27LANE
I’m hovering outside my front door, cussing under my breath. This is my home—so why does it feel like I’m about to break in? Waking up wrapped around Lois sent my head spinning, and this shitty day has stretched on and on ever since. The big meeting I just had was a total shit show. Despite Carter elbowing me under the table, my mind kept wandering off and playing back last night, sifting through a bunch of jumbled feelings. As he drove me back home, Cart tried to get me to open up—but other than telling him to back off, I didn’t say a word. What is there to say? I jumped in my car and claimed a few rides to kill time, driving Hope and Prudence to a fabric store, dodging their prying eyes. I nearly asked for their thoughts on the situation but decided against it, and on my next ride, I nearly gave in to a flirty blonde, just as a way of getting Lois off my mind—even that was too much for me to handle. Lois is probably home by now, and I don’t fucking know how to deal with her. Up until yesterday, I could just slip into my usual act. But that was before we slept together. Before I asked her to stay. Before I felt her naked body shuddering against mine, and before I fell asleep with her in my arms, waking up to her draped over me.Did I fuck up? I absolutely did.But it’s too late to turn back now, so I gear myself up and head inside.
I spot her shoes by the entrance, her jacket on the coat hook—but scanning the kitchen and living room, she’s nowhere to be seen.
“Lois?”
“Here!” she trills.
I toss my keys down on the side table and freeze. Her voice is echoing down the corridor. Much too far away to be the bathroom. I glance at the space where her bags were earlier. They’ve vanished. I close my eyes and scratch my jaw. She must be in my room, making a little space for herself, like I suggested yesterday. The knot in my stomach tightens—it’s getting hard to breathe. I’m torn. A part of me regrets asking her to stay, because I’m too scared of what that might mean. Why the fuck did I do that?Because you slept together and it was the best sex of your life…Yeah—it was out of this world. Nothing short of unforgettable, really. But here are the facts: Lois loves Kirk, and I love my life just the way it is, and…Shit,this girl has been messing with my head since the start, and I’m slowly starting to feel trapped.
Gathering up my courage in both hands, I make my way to the bedroom, breathing in and out, doing my best to look relaxed, but when I push open the door, my face crumples. Slowly, I turn to the far end of the hallway, tension coiling in the pit of my stomach. The door to my brother’s bedroom is open, light spilling in to flood the space. I slam my hand down on the wall.Don’t tell me Lois went in there.
I stride over to the doorway. The first thing I notice is a mountain of clothes piled on the bed. My brother’s clothes. I take a step closer, the blood pounding in my veins. Suddenly, I’m back there, all those years ago, when Mike still lived here. The closet door squeaks, and I jump, half-expecting to see his ghost. All I see is sunny, smiling Lois, and a red mist starts to spark at my edges.
