“So serious,” I joke. “What is it?”
“There’s a reason why we broke up.”
Why is he dragging this up from the pits of hell? Immediately my heart jackhammers against my chest. I don’t want to talk about this. We’ve come so far.
“Devlin, all that was a long time ago.”
“Yes and no.” With his free hand he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Blair, look. I feel like you’re wishy-washy because of me, and I’ll be honest, for a long time I’ve run away from feeling anything for anyone.”
Oh my gods. He’s pouring his heart out. Right here. In Feylin’s garden. This is not what I planned on. I’m not expecting this. But what do I want to do about it? Make him stop?
No. Devlin broke my heart. I loved him.Loved him. Like first love kind of love. The love you never get over. The love you never forget. The love that settles into your bones and deposits there like minerals that fuel every single blood cell that makes up your body. He was my very essence for existing, my happiness.
And all that was snatched away.
And here I’ve been given a second chance with him. Yes, I hated him. Or thought I did. Really it was just my wounded heart that was still licking its wounds ten years later.
We’ve been given this time, and clearly there’s still something between us. But at every opportunity I’ve told him to bug off. I’ve said that he’s not right for me.
What if I’ve been wrong? Maybe it’s time to hear him out.
“Why have you run away?” I ask.
“Because I never got over you.”
It feels like an anvil just dropped on my head. “You what?”
“I’ve always cared about you, Blair.” Emotion flashes in his eyes, and the way he’s looking at me makes me glance down. It’s so intense. This moment. This isn’t what I expected would happen tonight. “I’ve never been able to let you go.” He leans back and laughs bitterly. “No matter how hard I tried.”
“I don’t understand.” Now I’m just angry. He’s telling me he’s always cared about me, but he cheated on me. What in the world? “Why’d you kiss Basheen? Why’d you do that?”
He grazes his fingers up my arm and lifts the strap that’s fallen, slipping it back over my shoulder. “That wasn’t what you?—”
“Dinner’s ready!” Addison calls. “Come on, y’all!”
My emotions are a knotted ball of twine with a kitten tangled up in it. “We’ll talk after dinner.”
“Okay.” He nods, but his mood has shifted. He looks disappointed, like he’s waiting for his own anvil to drop.
We all sit outside at the table that Addison’s decorated. It’s lovely. Cut hydrangeas are stuffed into mason jars. They make a line down the center, with food sprinkled between them. And what a spread it is—chicken and steak, with potatoes and fresh vegetables, and of course the mozzarella and tomatoes.
Devlin sits beside me, and I don’t know what to think. I’m so confused. Why did he dump me if he’s always cared about me? Why did he decide to tell meright now, in this moment? When we’re not even alone and can talk about it?
Yes, I’m irritated, but I’m also heartbroken. We’ve wasted so much time. There are so many years we missed. I don’t understand any of it.
But I try to arm wrestle all of that out of my mind and just focus on the food, which now I have little appetite for.
Devlin sits beside me, talking to my dad and keeping his knee pressed to mine. Even though I’m irritated, I don’t move. I like the way he feels against me. I like touching him. It feels natural. It feels right.
The sound of silverware ringing against a glass steals my attention.
Feylin and Addie rise. “There’s a reason why we asked you here,” Feylin says, wiping his mouth with his napkin and glancing at Addie.
She’s beaming at him, and the love in both of their eyes nearly brings tears to mine.This. This is what I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to find my other half, and when I do, I don’t want to let him go.
I envy them, but I don’t harbor envyagainstthem. Addison and Feylin are perfect for each other, and I’m honestly elated that they’re together.
Feylin looks at her and she beams. “We have an announcement.”
