I take a deep breath and relax the muscles tightening in my chest. These are words that I’ve never spoken out loud. It’s like holding on to a secret that is so humiliating you’re terrified to say it because doing so will speak it into life.
“You really don’t remember telling the entire school that I influenced you into dating me?”
There. I’ve said it. I’ve never confronted him with this, because it was the most painful aspect of what he did to me. Kissing Basheen was one thing. A big thing. A huge thing. But when I told him my secret, it wasn’t even on the horizon that he’d use it against me.
He sits up quickly, his sandy hair falling in his eyes. “What?”
I groan and drop my head onto the pillow. “Don’t make me say it again.”
“Blair, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never did that.”
My head pops up. “What do you mean, you didn’t do that? Of course you did. Everyone told me.”
He rises onto his knees and plants himself directly in front of me, putting his abs at eye level. They should still be oiled,I randomly think, forgetting momentarily to be infuriated that he’s lying.
I pull back and laugh. Maniacally. I sound kind of deranged, actually, so I stop. “Of course you did that. Everyone told me that they heard you say that I influenced you to like me, and that once you found out, you ended it. You were so mad that you kissed another girl.”
He slowly shakes his head, regret filling his eyes. “Blair, I never would’ve told anyone that. I made you a promise that I wouldn’t.”
Why is my heart doing somersaults? “But they said?—”
“They lied,” he growls.Growls.
“But…”
“There are no buts. I didn’t do it. I never spread a rumor about you.”
He rests his hand on my arm and rubs it. I stare at it for a moment, not wanting to look into his eyes.
With his other hand, Devlin hooks his finger under my chin, which I really should’ve planted in my pillow better, and lifts my head until our gazes latch.
Then he says slowly, so that every word sinks in, “I never did that. I never would have betrayed you like that.”
“Oh, you just betrayed me the other way,” I spit out.
His eyes harden. “There are some things that have to be lost so that other things might be saved.”
What does that mean?
He’s looking at me as if there’s some hidden message there, something he wants me to know. “Oh, I get it. You had to lose me in order to gain all the other women in your life, the revolving door of twinsets.”
He sighs and drops his hand from my chin. “I know you won’t believe this, but I’ve never really dated anyone since you.”
My heart stops beating. He’s right; I don’t believe it. I laugh a little too loudly and hug the pillow tighter for protection. Whatever mean words he’s going to say are not getting through this down or fabricated material and hit my heart. No way.
I roll my eyes dramatically. “Come on, Devlin. I’ve seen you with lots of girls over the years—usually two at a time. You’re the envy of every man on earth.”
His eyebrow curls. “Am I? Must be nice for them to think that I’ve slept with all those women.”
Why am I even asking this? “You don’t?”
“Would you believe it if I said that I’m not really a man whore?”
“No.”
He laughs and pushes back before rising and sitting beside me. The bed dips dramatically, and it takes some serious core strength for me not to fall onto his hulking frame.
He rubs his thumb across his forehead. “I don’t sleep with most of them, Blair. Those women are just for show.”
