“The book that killed her,” I add solemnly.
“Yes.” She gives a firm wave of her hand. “Our shop was absolved of all wrongdoing. Tess knew where she was going when she entered that tome. She knew the risks, even if we didn’t. So we were not liable.” Her breath shakes. “Addie, for most of my life our family has owned that shop. We are the proprietors of happiness. Never, not once has anyone been harmed. You know that.”
“I do.” All true.
“So when I learned about her, it felt like the world had been pulled out from under me. How could this have happened? How could someone be harmed? There are safeguards in place.”
“Yes.” The books that people are allowed to jump into can be violent, but no one dies. It’s a fact. “But shewaskilled, and she was his wife.”
“And we never told you.” Mama sighs and presses her lips into a thin line. “We let you find out the hard way, in front of a group of fae who hate our kind.”
My gut clenches. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me go with him if you knew?”
She closes her eyes, and her grip around the mug tightens until her knuckles become white hills. “The answer to your first question is that we didn’t want her death to get out to anyone that it didn’t need to know. It wasn’t our fault, so yes, we didn’t advertise what happened even though he blamed us. He blamed me because he was told that I had approved the book.
“But he couldn’t do anything to punish us. He is fae. Fae govern fae, while witches and wizards govern our own kind. So there was nothing he could do but accept it.”
“He didn’t.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve been heartbroken over this. When it happened, I went to Feylin. He didn’t live here—yet. But I went to his castle, and I apologized and begged his forgiveness. This has never happened before, I told him, but his heart was so cold that he wouldn’t listen, and to be honest”—she sighs—“I can’t say that I blame him. There was nothing that we could do to fix this other than grovel and beg forgiveness, which he refused to give.”
That sounds like Feylin. He’s kind unless you screw over someone he loves, and then he becomes a furious beast. I could easily see that.
“But you never told me, not when the joining happened.”
“How could I?” She lifts her hands before letting them fall with a slap to her thighs. “How could I tell you anything negative about him when I knew that you were in love?”
My heart skids to a halt. “What?”
“I was there, in the garden, the night of the ball. I heard you talking and I knew, even before you did, that you were falling in love with him.”
Well, not anymore. But wait. What?
“I don’t understand.”
She sips her coffee. “When the joining occurred, not that there was much that could be done about it—I wanted to tell you then, so that you’d be prepared for him, you’d know what he thought about us. I was about to tell you when you disappeared, and when I saw you next, at the first ceremony, it wasn’t the right time. Your feelings were already on your sleeve. So your father suggested we watch and see what happened, and the more we saw you two together, the more it seemed like you really cared for each other. His angervanished.” She laughs. “He even asked us if you could stop wearing the traditional witch gowns for your ceremonies.”
My throat shrivels to dust. He did? Of course he did. He’d told me at the tailor that he’d pulled strings so that I didn’t have to wear those itchy dresses.
“So I thought that you were safe, that he’d tell you in his own time.” Her brow wrinkles in confusion. “And then you gave him that book.”
I sink back onto the chair. “Yes. The book. I was told”—I wave my hand dismissively—“it doesn’t matter what I was told. It’s over. It’s done with. We can all get back to our lives.”
I mean that. It doesn’t matter that I was tricked into giving it to him, that Zandra was never my friend. My chest aches from the betrayal, yes, but nothing I can say to Feylin will change his mind about what happened. He won’t listen to me even if I show up at the castle and beg his forgiveness, and to be honest, I don’t want to. He should know that I never would’ve harmed him. That’s what stings the most—that he thinks I would intentionally cause him so much pain.
But at the same time he wanted to hurt my family and used me to do so. I’m not sure if I can ever forgive him for that.
But I’m here in my house, the one I grew up in, and my family’s all around me, except for Nana, of course. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that family’s more important than anything else.
And it’s my family that’s going to help me through this, because my body’s raw. I ache from head to toe, gutted, unable to summon even the smallest hint of happiness. But still I force a smile to my face because I’m nothing if not Optimistic Addie. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Her lower lip pouches in confusion. “What’s that?”
I exhale a sad sigh, because even this can’t conjure joy in my heart. “I found my magic, so I’m ready to take my place as the Keeper of the Bookshop of Magic.”
39
Ispend the next thirty minutes talking to my mom about my power and also explaining that if things had gone differently the night before, I would’ve told her yesterday how Feylin helped me summon it.
