A Thornrose.
A family that he wants to destroy.
And he was going to use me to do that.
Tears burn my eyes as a crushing wave of realization crashes down on me, making my knees quake so hard that Ihave to steel my body so that I don’t collapse. “You…you wanted to ruin my family.” He doesn’t answer, so I know it’s true. “You were using me. When this joining happened, you were happy about it because you wanted to get back at them.” I rake my fingers down my face. “This whole thing, the joining, the ceremonies, you’ve been holding my presence here over my family as punishment because of what happened to your wife. You…” My voice cracks as a sob escapes my throat. I have to exhale several times before the words finally come. “You only used me to hurt them.”
His jaw tightens. “Then I guess we’re even, aren’t we?”
He’s looking at me as if I’m his worst enemy, as if he hates me more than he’s ever hated anyone. Gone are those warm eyes, that tender smile. I don’t know who this man is. He’s not the Feylin I’ve come to understand.
My chest hurts so much it feels like I’ve been hit by a boulder. All this time while I was slowly handing him my heart piece by broken piece, he was using me to hurt my family. He’s just like every other man who’s ever pretended to care about me in order to get to them.
I’ve been nothing more than a pawn in some revenge game. Our relationship was never about me. It was about my family.
A wave of nausea hits me. It’s so dark in here. So dark. The air’s so hot. It’s stifling. My dress is cinched too tight. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got leave. I can’t…oh gods, I can’t even look at him.
Tears sting my eyes and nearly blind me as I stalk away. I just want to go, get as far from here as I can. But I’m not leaving without one last word.
I spin around to face him, taking in his tragic beauty. I thought that I loved him so much, but he never loved me back. He was pretending this whole time that I meant something. What a fool I’ve been.
“If I ever lay eyes on you again, it’ll be too soon,” I grind out before storming off.
“Addison.”
His voice has changed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still laced with anger, but there’s another emotion underneath it. Sadness, maybe?
I pause, glance over my shoulder. “What?”
There’s a heavy silence before he murmurs, “The joining. We have to break it.”
That’s when my heart officially cracks in two and falls into the pit that’s opened in the earth.
I double over, barely catching myself from falling to the floor. Gods, he’s right. If I’m going to leave here, the joining has to be broken first. How am I going to do that? I don’t even want to look at him.
A long stretch of silence ignites between us. No one says a word as anger continues to roll off each of us, infusing the air with magic. Crackles of energy bite every inch of my exposed skin.
I can stay here, lock myself in a room until he finds another way to break the spell. Or I can leave and be done with all of this right now. “Fine,” I reply, agreeing to end this.
“I’ll have protection,” he tells me, as if ensuring I don’t get pregnant makes this any better.
I just don’t even know what to say to that.
“Where?” he says quietly, and I know what he’s asking. Where do I want to do it? Not his bedroom. Not in mine, for sure, and not here, the ballroom.
I slowly spin on my heel and stare at the floor. I can’t, I refuse to look at him. “Your office,” I croak out.
In a blink darkness overtakes me. Half a second later we’re standing in his study. A fire’s roaring, and a bearskin rug is spread in front of it.
I wait for the travel nausea to rise up, but it doesn’t come. What should be a relief can’t offer me any comfort right now.
Feylin steps out of the shadows, his face an unreadable cold mask. The sight of him makes a knot swell up in my throat, so I drop my gaze. His feet come into view as he stops within arm’s reach. Even though I can feel his eyes on me as if they’re the sun burning off my skin, I refuse to meet them.
“Are you ready?” he asks quietly.
No, I’m not ready. I’m so angry that my knees are shaking, but this has to be done, and so I swallow past the knot in my throat and prepare myself to break the joining.
37
