Gobsmacked, disgusted, and pissed, he growls, “It was far worse than a mistake. It was a betrayal.” He storms across the room and rips open the door. “I cannot teach you anymore.”
Her eyes go wide. “You have to.”
“I can’t. You are more dangerous to me as an ally than as an enemy. It’s safer for me if I have no trust in you at all.”
“Professor, please. I’ll never do it again. I need you now more than ever.”
He shakes his head and holds out his palm. “Please give me your key.”
“What will it take? What will you have me do? I’ll do anything to earn back your trust. Name it.” She can’t stop the tears from spilling over. “Just please don’t abandon me now.”
“I’m not abandoning you, Claudia. I simply can’t justify risking my life for someone who isn’t careful. You cannot undo what you have shown me to be true of your character.” He raises his brows, glancing at his open palm. “Now give me your key and go.”
“I can’t.” Her voice is shrill and shaky. “I really can’t. We have to keep going. Something is deeply wrong here, and if I can’t command celestial magic, everything is going to get worse. If you stop helping me, I could die.”
If she can’t help Dorian, he won’t help her. He won’t save Cassius. She’ll lose everything.
“If Ikeephelping you,Icould die. I won’t do it. There’s a reason I’ve survived when no others have. I’m careful. I’m cautious. I cover my tracks, and when something becomes too dangerous to sustain, I leave. That’s what I must do now.”
A beat of silence passes.
“Please,” Claudia says weakly, tears streaming down her red, raw cheeks. “I’m not ready. I don’t know enough. I can’t—” A sob shatters her voice.
“You know plenty of spells that will keep you safe. Anything else would be giving you more power than you can handle.”
Claudia winces. He sounds just like Triche. This is so close to what the High Sage said to Cassius—master responsibility before power.
“I can handle it. I promise.” She clasps her hands in prayer at her chest. “I madeonemistake. I admit it. I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again.” Snot streams out of her nose. She’s sobbing so hard she might vomit. “I’ll do anything.”
He closes his eyes, his expression pained. “I’m sorry. I am. I wish things were different. I wish I could teach you without risk, but I can’t live with that much fear. I can’t take the nightmares.”
A sharp, stuttering gasp slips through her teeth. “You’re having nightmares, too?”
He pauses. Whatever he was about to say, he swallows it down. Blinking tightly, he says, “The key, Claudia. I won’t ask again.”
Her hands tremble as she takes it from her pocket and drops it into his palm. He immediately curls his fist around it and snatches it away.
Claudia feels like he’s just plucked a bone from her rib cage. She’s seconds away from collapsing where she stands.
“Please. Please don’t do this.”
He pauses, back turned to her. He almost turns around, but he doesn’t. Instead, his shoulders drop. He walks to the door, opens it, and gestures for her to leave.
Part of her wants to plant herself in the ground and take root, refusing to leave for anything other than a blade cutting her down.
But she’s hurt Lamour enough, and judging by Odette’s last diary entry, Lamour could hurt her, too. It’s not safe for her here. She sucks up her tears and bites her cheek to keep from whimpering out loud while she walks out the door. When she reaches the first step of the spiral staircase, her professor calls after her.
“For what it’s worth, Claudia, you are an exceptional talent, both in academia and in magic. I hate that we are ending thisway, for I know you would have gone further than any celestial witch before you.”
Her gaze snaps up. Rage and sorrow burn in her belly. “If you mean that, don’t end it.”
“I’m not ending it.” He gives her a somber look. The last thing he says before turning his back to her is “You did.”
CLAWED
A wound only leaves a scar when its lesson went ignored.
Caedisterra, God of Blood and Balance
