“Yes, I’m sure!” I bark. “Will you leave me alone!”
He holds up his hands and backs off.
Shit, why did I go and do that? Now he really is going to get angry with me.
I take out my phone and see I’ve got 5G. I decide to WhatsApp my sisters.
“Ladies,” I type, “I’m at a football match.”
“What the fuck?” replies Ian. “You hate football more than me.”
I explain I’m watching Theo play with the kids.
“Girl,” pipes Gloria, “I can just see you sitting there looking like a bulldog passing a kidney stone.”
I send a few laughing emojis.
“Let’s not joke about it,” chips in Ian. “Me and Adam have a painful history with football. And we’re not the only ones.”
“I keep telling you it’s not like that anymore,” points out Dom.“All the current England squad are pro-gay. They wear rainbow armbands and shoelaces. And look at all the queer teams and supporters’ groups.”
“Yeah and footballers are gorge,” offers Gloria. “All those thick, muscly legs. Do you remember that one I got off with in Mykonos? I swear down, he had a dick like a water bottle.”
I add another laughing emoji but feel dirty joking about this kind of thing in front of the kids. Even though they’re several meters away, I shield my phone.
“Never mind that,” Ian types. “Respect your feelings, Adam. And if you find it triggering, go off and do something else. Don’t put yourself through it.”
“Did I tell you I’m going to the summer social for Dom’s old team?” continues Gloria. “Apparently, it’ll be packed with quality cock.”
“Touch wood,” writes Dom.
“That’s what I’m hoping,” quips Gloria.
I add another string of laughing emojis but feel dirty again.
The ball crashes into the fence a few feet away and I give a start.
“Sorry!” calls out Theo.
My insides compress. Don’t tell me I have to kick it back?
Thankfully, Archie bounces over to retrieve it. But just then, Gloria sends a dick pic and it pops up on my screen. I’ve no idea who it belongs to but quickly shut down my phone.
I catch my breath.
Ian’s right: if I’m not enjoying this, I should go off and do something else.
I shout to Theo that I’ve remembered a few things we need to pick up from the supermarket. And I get up and leave.
Chapter 12
At the end of our first working week, we treat ourselves to an early finish. Not only have I managed to sort through the entire house—clearing out Wilf’s belongings and all the furniture that won’t work in a holiday let—but I’ve also accompanied Giuseppe to hardware stores, builders’ merchants and bathroom and kitchen studios. I’ve pored over brochures, websites and artists’ impressions, and made all the important decisions on everything from units to surfaces, shower curtains to storage racks. I deserve a break.
Theo suggests driving into Lucca to show the kids the Italian tradition ofla passeggiata, or early-evening, sociable stroll. But they interpret this as an attempt to smuggle through a bog-standard walk and revolt—Archie included. So Theo pivots to a bike ride, remembering that when he and I stayed in Lucca, many Italians didn’t just stroll along the path over the city walls, but they also cycled it.
“What do you reckon, gang?” he booms. “Shall we do it?”
Archie is the only one who answers but Theo interprets this as a “yes” from all of them.
