“—Look, I don’t know what came over me,” she goes on, almost rushing through what she’s got to say before she can talk herself out of it. “But I want you to know I’m not some hysterical desperado. I think I just felt aggrieved by the whole thing. I was hurt. And I was probably a bit jealous.”
“That’s OK,” I say. “I get it. As long as you know I never wanted to replace you.”
“Well, you have in a way,” she snaps back. Then she looks surprised. “Sorry, I mean, you have got Theo.”
I’m not sure how to respond to that. Why did I wind her up by saying something so stupid?
Thankfully, Kate continues. “But I could never have made him happy. I know that now.”
There’s another silence.
I look down at the grass. “No. But I know you’ve had it hard.”
She gives the empty swing a little push. “I have to admit, it’s slightly less hard now I know the truth about his little affair.” She grabs onto the swing and stops it.
I’m not brave enough to face her so look back at the patio, where Mabel and Archie are tapping away on her phone. “If it’s any consolation, I understand why you’d have found it confusing.”
Kate folds her arms. “Well, I’m not confused anymore, am I? Now I just need to stop myself from looking back over our entire relationship and thinking it was a sham. Every intimate moment, every romantic gesture, every happy memory.” Her chin trembles and she squeezes her eyes shut. She reopens them. “But I’ll getthere. And I guess I’m not the only woman who’s found herself in this position.”
“No.” I look up at the side of the house—the side of what would have been the watchtower for the castle. I realize I hadn’t considered the women, all those wives and girlfriends who ended up heartbroken and hurt simply for falling in love with the wrong men, men who could never have loved them in return. And if the stories of all the men who suffered from prejudice in the past have been forgotten, the stories of the women who suffered in their shadow are possibly buried even deeper.
Kate gives a little kick to a tree root. “Anyway, you’ll be pleased to know you’re no longer the focus of my anger. I can hardly go on blaming you.”
I rock backwards on my heels. “I appreciate that. But I apologize in advance if I do anything insensitive.”
She waves away my comment. “Don’t worry about that. Theo’s all yours. I don’t hold your happiness against you.”
“Thank you.”
She takes a seat on the swing and pushes herself off the ground. “You know, it actually helps seeing how much the kids like you. Even if I was hoping for the opposite—at first, anyway. Clearly, they adore you.”
I smile, realizing this is the best compliment she could have paid me. “Thanks. I adore them, too. They’re fab kids. You’ve done a great job.”
Kate smiles, as if this is the best compliment I could have paid her. “Thanks.”
There’s another pause but this time it isn’t awkward.
“What I meant to say earlier was, I wasn’t trying to replace you in the eyes of the kids,” I comment. “You’re their mum. You’re irreplaceable.” I don’t add how I know that. I don’t explain how I’m able to deliver the line with such conviction.
I don’t have to: Kate is happy to accept it. “Yeah, I can see that now. And it looks like there’s room for both of us.”
“Yeah.”
“Mum! Adam!” Mabel shouts from the table. “Have a look at this before I post it!”
Kate stops the swing. “Just a minute, sweetheart!”
“Coming!” I shout.
She looks at me and frowns. “Anyway, I hope you can accept my apology.”
“Absolutely. Let’s move on.”
She lets out a breath and straightens her sleeves. “I think I deserve another glass of wine.”
She flashes me a smile that’s ever so slightly sassy, ever so slightly playful. And something about it makes me think that one day, the two of us might just be friends.
Chapter 50
