I leave the house, feeling dazed. I walk up to the olive grove, just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.
Once I get there, I find a spot that’s set back from the driveway, where no one can see me. And I lean on a knobbly tree trunk.
I take out my phone and open the email.
Dear Adam,
This is an email I didn’t want to write. The way your mum died was awful for me, because I was there, and the memory will torment me till the end of my days. But if you already know about the affair, I don’t think it’ll do you any harm to know the rest of it. If you’ve been imagining your mum took her own life, it might even set you free.
Your mum died on the night she was supposed to be leaving for Italy. Not that I knew about that at the time. I gotanother call from that Lauren at the hotel. She said she knew I was lying and the woman she’d told me about was my sister and I’d better come quick because she was sitting in the bar with a suitcase, drinking gin and getting plastered.
Well, I had no idea what our Suzanne was playing at or if she’d even speak to me, but I dropped everything and jumped in a taxi. But when I arrived at the hotel, she’d gone.
That silly cow Lauren was more than happy to fill me in on what had happened. Apparently, your mum had come to meet Gary but he hadn’t turned up and hadn’t even booked a room. He had left her a note though and Lauren handed it over—with great satisfaction, I’m sure. She’d obviously read it because she told me what it said. It said he was sorry but he only wanted a bit of fun, she’d taken things too far and he was ending it.
Your mum must have been devastated because according to Lauren, as soon as she read the note she went over to the bar and started knocking back the booze. I’m sure Lauren also told her Gary was a rat who’d brought other women to the hotel, because she wasted no time in telling me. ‘I did try to warn you,’ she kept saying in a smug voice. But I was already halfway out the door.
I had no idea where your mum was but knew I had to find her. So I trudged round Manchester, round all the places where she usually went on a night out. I even went in the ladies loos, banging on the cubicle doors and shouting her name. But I couldn’t find her.
Finally, after what felt like hours, I spotted her sitting on her own and clutching her suitcase in some dive on Deansgate. She was so wasted she kept sliding off her seat. I ran over and tried to give her a squeeze, but she wasn’t pleased to see me. She just pushed me away, accusing me of wanting to gloat. I knew she’d be feeling humiliated so I didn’t have a go at her. I just got her a glass of water and tried to sober her up. Eventually, she calmed down and told meshe’d written to Uncle Wilf and her and Gary were supposed to be going and staying with him, although she didn’t say anything else, which is why I honestly didn’t know Wilf was gay. But then she’d gone to the hotel and Gary had stood her up and written her this note saying he didn’t want anything else to do with her.
I did what your mum needed me to do—I told her Gary was a bastard and if that’s what he was like, she was well rid. But she started crying. Tears were rolling down her face. She kept saying she loved him and she couldn’t believe he just wanted a fling and how could she have been so stupid? I told her we all made mistakes and to look at the state of me with my complete failure of a love life. We had a bit of a laugh at the pair of us and she apologised for being unkind to me and we had a squeeze and I told her to come back to mine and we’d work it all out in the morning. She must have been finally starting to sober up because she agreed.
But then we went outside and there was a big crowd waiting for taxis. It was chucking out time and there were drunks everywhere and people having fights—Deansgate was terrible in those days. Although that wasn’t the problem. The problem was your mum spotted Gary across the road. She couldn’t believe it. He was going into a bar with some other woman. There was no question they were together—he had his arm around her.
Well, your mum saw red. I’ve never seen anyone so angry. She shouted Gary’s name but he didn’t hear her and disappeared into the bar. So she ran after him. I tried running after her but I had to pick up her suitcase so I wasn’t very fast. And she ran into the road. Right there, right in front of me, she got hit by a car.
I won’t go into the details, Adam. All you need to know is it was quick and she didn’t feel any pain. The paramedics said she was dead on impact. And that was that.
Except a few days later, a letter she’d sent arrived at myhouse. It said she was leaving for Italy and she hoped I wouldn’t hate her but she was in love and just wanted to be happy. The point is, it had another letter in it, which she asked me to give to you. I don’t know what it says because I’ve not opened it. And I’ve never given it to you because I didn’t want you to know your mum was leaving. But now you do, I’ve posted it to you in Italy. I’ve sent it recorded delivery so you’ll have to be in to sign for it I’m afraid, but I didn’t want to run the risk of it getting lost in the post. The woman at the Post Office said it should arrive early next week.
I hope you’re not too upset by this, Adam. I know it must be awful for you but hopefully it’ll finally bring you some peace.
Make sure you stay close to Theo. He’s a good man. You’ll need him now more than ever.
Sending you all my love,
Auntie Julie
x
I let the letter fall onto my lap.
I sit, staring straight ahead, my eyes fixed on the lines and bumps of the nearest tree trunk.
I sit like that for a long time.
I’ve no idea what to think, or what to feel.
I just know that I do want to see Theo.
Chapter 41
Ipedal my exercise bike in silence. It’s the morning after I read the email from Auntie Julie and I’ve hardly slept.
Theo and I stayed up late, talking over what she’d told me. Imagining that sickening feeling Mum must have experienced when she realized she’d been used and tossed aside, rather than finding herself at the center of a great, life-changing love affair. Empathizing with her anger as she understood Gary was going to restart the cycle all over again with another woman, having upended her life with little or no regard for her feelings.
From down in the valley comes the sound of a bus tooting its horn. It’s seven a.m. and I’ve already been up for an hour. I decided there was no point lying in bed any longer, twisting and flinging myself from one side to the other, staring at the walls of Wilf and Arnaldo’s old bedroom. We’ve had them painted the same honeycomb as the buildings on the Piazza dell’Anfiteatro—a color I would have enjoyed if I had the slightest capacity for enjoyment.
