I chuckle. “Thanks!”
As the sun’s low in the sky, we all put on our sunglasses, except Archie, who takes off his green glasses and straps on his sports goggles. As they don’t give him any protection against the sun, we decide his team should play with their backs to it, driving the ball in the opposite direction. We run and kick around a bit to warm up but I’m holding onto some tension. Once I’ve hit the ball a few times, I can feel myself relaxing.
“OK, gang,” says Theo. “Shall we kick off?”
Callum quickly takes me to one side to discuss strategy, suggesting that, while we both attack and defend, he should concentrate on driving the ball forward, while I’m the default player to cover goal. I agree but feel a twinge of trepidation.
Like Mabel says, I won’t be stopped by self-doubt.
“Right,” says Theo, “game on!”
He tosses the ball in the air and, before I know it, I’m running up and down the rectangle of sand. My heart rate rises and the blood starts pumping. By the time I’ve managed to hit a couple of half-decent crosses to Callum—and even scored my first goal—I’m actually enjoying myself. Before long, I’ve forgotten I’m a rubbish player—and nobody else seems to notice. Giggles are released, cheers greet each goal, and the adrenaline surges.
A few hours ago, I’d thought the highlight of our day would bethe breathtaking views from the top of the Leaning Tower, but this game of football beats it—easily. I watch Archie throwing himself around the pitch, crashing into the sand but bouncing straight up again. Mabel is more authoritative than usual, calling out orders to her dad and brother—and, as she springs around, she doesn’t seem remotely conscious of her boobs. And I love seeing Callum looking so confident. When he pulls off a particularly skillful move and his dad compliments him, his face beams with pride. Theo, meanwhile, doesn’t stop beaming.
Once again, I’m back on that holiday with Dad, Debbie and my stepbrothers in northern France. But this time it doesn’t fill me with negative emotions. It makes me realize that what I’m feeling with Theo and the kids is probably what Dad was trying to instigate: maybe he knew that if I could just get stuck in, it wouldn’t matter how bad I was and I’d feel like I belonged. Or maybe he was just in love with Debbie and desperate for his and her sons to bond, the only way he knew how. After all, he must have been devastated when Mum died. He probably just wanted to be happy. And didn’t he deserve that?
As the sun slips lower in the sky, I remember something Dad used to say to Mum and me: “Come on, the sun’s at half-mast. You’d better hurry up or you’ll miss it.”
Although he didn’t sit with us to watch the sunset, he’d often be the one to tell us it was about to happen. I wonder if he was ever upset that we didn’t ask him to join us. I wonder if he ever felt excluded.
To my shock, I find myself thinking that I will get in touch with him. Theo’s right: there’s no better time than when I’m relaxed and happy.
But I need to read Julie’s email first. She promised she’d send it soon.
The ball comes hurtling towards me and I remember what I’m doing. I strike out to kick it, propelling it into the air and towards the opposition’s goal.
Chapter 39
On Wednesday, Theo is out of action again, this time to prepare for tomorrow’s GCSE results day. I spend the day working on the house, moving Mabel and Archie back into their bedrooms now that the paint on the walls has stopped smelling—or stopped smelling quite so badly. After that, Archie and I empty all the broken and cracked plant pots from the final untouched outhouse—disturbing some enormous beetles, spiders and more lizards—and put them in the skip, while Callum and Mabel go up to Angelika’s to hang out by the pool with Lina and Freya. The five of us come together for an early dinner, after which we’re expecting a handful of guests. We’re gathering to scatter Wilf’s ashes.
Angelika is the first to arrive. I know she’s left Lina and Freya with their dad, who’s landed from Frankfurt and is taking them to Pietrasanta for dinner. I assumed she made this decision because the scattering of Wilf’s ashes would be a solemn occasion, but she turns up in full vamp mode, wearing a black trouser suit and boots, a gold studded belt and matching handbag, her nails and lips painted her signature red, a bottle of Prosecco in one hand and the urn containing Wilf’s ashes in the other.
“I don’t mind admitting, I’m ready to get rid of this,” she quips, handing me the urn. “The silver clashes terribly with my jewelry.”
I smile.
While we’re waiting for Luisa and Stefano, I show Angelika around the house. She loves what we’ve done with the kitchen, adores the new family suite, and is thrilled to see the pizza oven restored and back in action.
“Wunderbar!”she drawls. “You’ve turned the place into a busy, thriving, welcoming home.”
I realize she’s right: this has become my home.Ourhome. I wonder if the kids feel the same.
There’s a pause that could be classed as solemn when I show Angelika the framed passport photos. But it doesn’t last long.
“You know this makes me very happy,” she says. “To see Willie and Arnaldo together, expressing such joy. Here, in the heart of your home.”
She takes my hand and gives it a tug.
From outside, we hear Theo and the kids greeting Luisa and Stefano.
“Come on,” I say, gesturing at the photos, “let’s reunite these two.”
We step outside and there’s a chorus ofbuonaseraand some chat between Angelika and the Fiores, who haven’t spoken since Wilf’s death. While our guests are all dressed in black, Theo, the kids and I don’t have enough black clothes, so have just dressed smartly and in dark colors—and I notice that Mabel has put on some light makeup. Once the initial chat is over, I suggest we climb up the hill. While no one’s looking I pick up a tote bag I’ve packed with a little surprise.
Conscious of Angelika’s age, I offer to carry the urn so she can hold onto the handrail. She comments on how much easier it is to climb the hill with the new steps—rather than having to scramble.
“That’s why I haven’t been up for so long,” she says, stopping to catch her breath. “Ach du Scheiße!I’ve forgotten how high it is.”
