CHAPTER 32
The exam room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The doctor looked at Jackie as if she’d actually lost her mind along with her voice. “Okay, Jacqueline. Could you retype that last part? I need you to repeat to me what you just said, because I am baffled.”
Jackie sighed. At least she trusted Dr. Erica Randall to be real with her. It just so happened that the premier otolaryngologist in the city was also Jackie’s sorority sister. Jackie retyped her previous statement, editing it slightly for clarity. “One minute, I wasn’t talking; the next minute, I was. My voice came back after I was intimate sexually with someone. And then it went away again!”
Erica rested her hand on her chin. “Okay Soror, I’m about to take off my physician hat and put on my friend hat… Are you fucking with me? Because this sounds vaguely like the plot toThe Little Mermaid.”
Jackie laughed and shook her head.
Erica consulted her notes before speaking again. “Jackie. We’ve run every test. Your laryngoscopy was clear. There’s no evidence of a stroke or spasming. My best guess was idiopathic vocal cord paralysis, but we typically see those patients present with other symptoms—difficulty breathing or swallowing, for example. But you’re in great physical condition other than your speechlessness. And now you tell me your voice returnedbrieflyafter sex? I think whatever is happening with your vocal cords is psychophysiological.”
Jackie frowned, then typed. “What does that mean?”
“I’m very much about to sound like Bronwyn, so bear with me,” Erica began. Jackie sighed, but she was grateful to have a doctor who knew her—and her friends—so well. Erica continued, “There is a mind-body connection going on here. You said you first lost your voice when you were in a heated discussion, right? And then it came back to you when you were, uhm…intimate. And I would guess you lost it again when you were put in another stressful situation. Am I getting that right?”
Jackie rolled her eyes at how simplistic Erica made it all seem but nodded, agreeing. She hadn’t disclosed to the doctor that she’djustcontemplated having midday office sex, just in case it’d bring her voice back again.
“I suspect this is about stress. You may have what we call a conversion disorder. The loss of your voice is likely a somatic response to stressors. You’ve gone through a lot, Jackie. You work harder than anyone I know. You’re a single woman handling it all on your own. And PeeWee’s health crisis comes to mind. Everyone knows you love PeeWee so much. You brought him to the chapter Christmas party as your date! Had on an ugly sweater and everything,” chuckled Erica as she reminisced. She put a hand on Jackie’s knee. “The thought of losing him probably scared you to death.”
Tears welled in Jackie’s eyes. “Yes, but I always knew he’d pull through,” she typed. PeeWee’s recovery hadn’t been easy, but she’d tried to remain positive.
Erica gave Jackie look. “You sure about that?”
“Okay, I was stressed,” Jackie typed, confessing the truth. “Especially with the tumor thing. Just found out it was benign. But I lost my voicedaysafter PeeWee went into surgery, so the medical mystery remains.”
“So glad to hear PeeWee’s tumor was benign! But Jackie, I don’t think this is a medical mystery.”
Jackie’s anger rose as she typed into her app. “So, you’re saying all of this is in my head? Like I made this up?”
“No, not at all! I believe you, Jackie.” She took Jackie’s hand. “I’m saying life is stressing you out to the point where you cannot talk. Our bodies shut down when pushed beyond the limit. That’s why, when you’re more, uhm,relaxed, you’re able to speak again.”
“So, sex isn’t the cure?” the app blared, volume suddenly soaring, echoing in the room. Maybe Antonio didn’t have the magic stick like Jackie’s girls had suspected.
“Ah, no. What I think is happening is that you’re so relaxed when experiencing intense pleasure or riding a post-orgasmic high, your guard is down. Your worries are gone. Therefore, your vocal cords are temporarily relaxed, allowing you to speak.”
Jackie thought about it. Shewaspretty blissed-out when she was having sex with Antonio. She hadn’t felt like that since…well…since the first time she and Antonio had been together a decade ago.
“I’m going to give you a referral to a really great therapist who deals with this kind of mind-body stuff,” suggested Erica. “I think once we figure out the triggers, your voice may return.”
Jackie typed in her phone. “So, basically you’re saying I need to go sit on some lady’s couch and get my head right?”
Erica laughed. “Soror, you know you should have been in therapy! Busting windows is never a good look.”
