Marie appeared at her side.
Clara slid a cup of coffee towards her friend. ‘How are the babies?’
‘They are well considering. A little on the small side, but they are healthy.’
‘I wish we didn’t have to move them in the night. It’s so cold,’ said Clara, picking up the tray of coffee cups and taking it through to the dining room.
Max and Paul both thanked her, while Friedrich gave a small but regretful smile, which only added to her feeling of guilt.
She retreated to the bedroom to check on Hannah and the babies. A short time later, through the doorway, she could see Max and Paul checking their weapons, preparing for the journey ahead. David sat on the edge of the spare bed, one baby cradled in each arm. Hannah’s eyes were closed, exhausted but peaceful.
Soon they would all be gone, then she and Friedrich would be left to face what she’d done.
‘Marie,’ Clara said quietly. ‘Would you sit with Hannah while I speak to Friedrich?’
Her friend squeezed her arm. ‘Of course.’ Then, softer: ‘He’ll understand, Clara. He loves you.’
‘I know.’ But love and understanding weren’t always the same thing.
She found Friedrich in their bedroom, staring out of the window. The city sprawled before them. He didn’t turn when she stepped inside, though she knew he’d heard her.
‘Friedrich.’
‘Don’t.’ His voice was rough. ‘Don’t apologise again.’
Clara moved to stand beside him, close but not touching. ‘I wasn’t going to apologise. I was going to thank you.’
Now he turned, his expression unreadable in the dim light from them. ‘Thank me? For what? For not turning you all over to the authorities? For not arresting my own wife?’
‘For being the man I married.’ Clara held his gaze. ‘For helping us.’
Friedrich let out a breath that was almost a laugh but held no humour. ‘I suspected you were planning something while I was away. I should have insisted you tell me. Before you put yourself in danger I can’t protect you from.’
‘I know, but this wasn’t the plan.’ She wrapped her arms around herself. ‘I wanted to tell you the other day, but the less you knew .?.?.’
‘The less I knew, the safer I was? Is that what you were going to say?’ His voice rose, and he checked himself, glancing back at the city. When he continued, it was barely above a whisper. ‘Do you think I care about my safety when you’re out there risking everything? Do you think I could live with myself if something happened to you?’
‘I had to help her. I couldn’t do nothing.’
‘I know!’ The words burst from him with startling force. Friedrich pressed his palms to his eyes. ‘God help me, Clara, I know. And that’s what makes this so impossible. Because I love you for the very thing that’s going to get you killed.’
The words hung between them.
Clara reached for him, but he caught her hand, holding it tight between both of his. ‘You want to know something?’ His voice cracked. ‘Today I received a communiqué about Neuruppin. They’re looking for a midwife who helped a Jewish patient escape. A midwife with a strange accent, possibly British.’ His grip tightened. ‘They have witnesses, Clara. They’re building a case.’
The floor seemed to tilt beneath her feet. ‘Against me?’
‘They don’t know it’s you yet. But, yes, a case against a midwife who is helping the Jewish women. The midwife they call the Angel of Life.’
‘How close are they?’
‘Close but not that close.’ He released her hand and turned back to the window. ‘For several weeks now, I’ve been working with others at the Bendlerblock. Officers who still believe in honour. Who see what’s happening to our country and refuse to stand by.’ He paused, and Clara could see him gathering himself. ‘We’re planning something. I can’t tell you what or when, but we’re going to act. Against Hitler. Against this regime.’
Clara’s breath caught in her throat. ‘You’re risking your life,’ she whispered.
‘We both are. But what I’m doing will take time. You, on the other hand, are doing something now.’ He finally looked at her again, and in his eyes she saw everything. The love and terror, resignation and determination. ‘Right now, seeing as I know I cannot stop you from what you’re doing, we can do more together. You with your network, helping people escape. Me with access to intelligence, documents, patrol schedules. Together, we can save more lives. But Clara.’ He cupped her face in his hands, his touch achingly gentle. ‘You have to trust me. You have to let me in. No more secrets. No more protecting me from knowledge that might save your life.’ His thumb traced her cheekbone. ‘We’re in this together now, whether we chose it or not. Your resistance. Mine. It’s all the same fight.’
Clara felt tears slip down her face. ‘I’m so afraid.’
