‘What made you come to Germany?’
Clara hadn’t been asked this question for a long time. It took her by surprise a little. She wasn’t used to this level of openness from her patients. Often there wasn’t time to discuss much more than the pregnancy or the new baby. It made a change for someone to be interested in her personally, especially in light of how Germany was treating foreigners now.
She placed the record card back on the side table. ‘I worked as a midwife in London. I was actually engaged to a doctor from the hospital where I worked.’
Frau Müller raised her eyebrows. ‘Engaged? Was? I assume that your then fiancé isn’t your now husband?’
Clara smiled. ‘Most definitely not.’ She wasn’t sure why, but she felt compelled to open up to Ursula. She sensed the soon-to-be mother was lonely, but it wasn’t just Clara being professional, there seemed a deeper connection that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. ‘My fiancé, Gordon, was traditional, shall we say. I found out before it was too late that once we were married he expected me to stay at home and give up my career. A career I had worked hard for.’
‘You didn’t want to be a wife and homemaker, a mother?’ asked Frau Müller.
‘On the contrary. I wanted all that, but not straightaway,’ confessed Clara, remembering that awful argument she’d had with Gordon. ‘He wanted me to give up my job immediately. He thought it was a foregone conclusion. He was more worried about how it would look to his friends and colleagues to have a working wife.’
‘Oh dear. It makes me feel rather shallow. I couldn’t wait to be a wife and a mother. Although, I didn’t have a career to tempt me.’
‘I did want all of those things, but I wanted to succeed professionally first,’ explained Clara. ‘Wanting to be a wife and mother are wonderful things, there is nothing wrong with that, but we are all different. My parents encouraged me and my sisters to forge a career first.’
‘So, what made you leave England? I assume you broke off your engagement?’ Frau Müller shuffled her dress back down over her stomach now that Clara had finished with the physical examination.
‘Yes. I did. I knew I wouldn’t be happy, and I didn’t want to find myself trapped.’ Clara inwardly winced at the memory of that conversation with Gordon. He hadn’t taken it well. Her parents and sisters, however, had fully backed her. Gosh, she missed them more than ever. The isolation of Berlin was bringing the distance and barriers between them into sharp focus.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,’ said Frau Müller.
‘I’m fine, honestly,’ said Clara, swallowing hard and blinking back unexpected tears. She was not supposed to cry in front of her patients.
Frau Müller reached out and put her hand on Clara’s arm. ‘You don’t have to pretend,’ she said. ‘It’s all right to show your feelings.’
The small act of kindness was too much for Clara and much to her embarrassment, the tears came in a flood. She swiped at a handkerchief from her pocket to wipe them away. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she began.
‘Come and sit here,’ said Frau Müller, gently pulling Clara’s arm. ‘I insist.’
Clara sat beside her patient on the sofa and the young woman put her arm around her shoulder. ‘I understand,’ she said.
Clara managed to pull herself together. ‘Please forgive me,’ she said, sitting up straighter. ‘That was very unprofessional of me.’
‘Please don’t be sorry,’ said Frau Müller. ‘You are a long way from home. I’m sorry I upset you. I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.’
Clara shook her head. ‘You have no need to apologise.’
Frau Müller squeezed her hand. ‘I’m a good listener.’
Clara dipped her head, her attempt at professionalism slipping away. She reminded herself of the other reason she was here. Maybe befriending Frau Müller would be a good thing. She liked the woman and there seemed to be a shared loneliness. Maybe they could be friends. And rather more tactically thinking, it might make it easier for Clara to get the documents Max wanted. The thought of using a potential friendship was bitter tasting, but when she held the morals up against what might be happening to the women and children, her own personal discomfort was a small price to pay.
‘Thank you, Frau Müller,’ said Clara. She gave a small laugh. ‘Although it is supposed to be me who is offering you advice and support.’
‘Well, I think maybe we both need each other’s friendship.’ She gave a warm smile. ‘In which case, please call me Ursula. No more formal Frau Müller.’
‘All right. But you must call me Clara.’
‘Clara, how funny that it should be a German name.’
‘I think I was destined to move to Germany,’ said Clara.
The sound of the door opening and a man’s voice calling out, brought the conversation to a halt. ‘Oh, that’s my husband,’ said Ursula. ‘You can tell me about how you ended up in Germany when you come tomorrow. You are coming tomorrow, aren’t you?’
‘Erm, yes I can if you wish. Your husband just needs to put in a request at the clinic.’
‘Come as a friend,’ said Ursula.
