Clara stared at her sister as the full implications hit her like a physical blow. Rose was choosing to stay. Choosing to become a spy, to risk her life every single day in occupied territory. Clara would lose her too, just as she’d lost Friedrich, just as they’d already lost Evie.
‘Oh, Rose,’ she whispered. The pride she felt was overwhelming but so was the grief. This was so typical of Rose – brave, selfless, impossible to dissuade once her mind was made up. Clara moved across the swaying truck and pulled her sister into her arms, holding her as tightly as she could. ‘I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I’m so proud of you. So impossibly proud.’
They clung to each other as the truck rumbled through the French countryside, both knowing this embrace would have to last them through the long separation ahead. Clara wasn’t sure her heart could bear another goodbye.
Chapter 40
The journey continued through winding farm tracks and back roads, the truck swaying and lurching as Henri navigated around shell craters and absconded vehicles. They’d passed through one German checkpoint about an hour outside Lille, but their Red Cross markings and medical cargo earned them only a cursory inspection before being waved through.
‘How much further to Dunkirk?’ Clara asked.
She was drowning in conflicting emotions. Part of her desperately wanted to reach the coast as quickly as possible, to climb aboard that boat and sail towards the safety of England. But a larger part of her wanted this journey to last forever, wanted to freeze this moment when she and Rose were still together, still breathing the same air in the back of this rattling truck.
The urge to beg Rose to change her mind was almost overwhelming. Clara wanted to grab her sister’s hands, to plead with her, to paint vivid pictures of all the ways this could go wrong. She wanted to remind Rose of their childhood promises to always look after each other, to use every weapon of guilt and love and desperation she possessed to make her sister abandon this suicidal mission.
But she said none of it.
For the first time, Clara truly understood the agony Friedrich must have felt watching her slip out into the Berlin night to help those women and their babies. The terror of loving someone who chose dangerous compassion over safe silence. He had begged her to stop, yes, but ultimately he had supported her choice because he’d understood that her work was part of who she was. To ask her to abandon it would have been to ask her to abandon herself.
Now Clara faced the same impossible situation. She could see the determination in Rose’s eyes, the sense of purpose that had always driven her sister towards the most challenging path.
Clara bit back her pleas and simply reached for Rose’s hand, squeezing it tightly.
‘We should be there just before dawn,’ said Rose. She returned the squeeze. ‘I know what I’m doing.’
Clara nodded. ‘I know but I am allowed to worry about you.’ She slipped her arm around Rose’s shoulder again and they leaned into each other, lapsing into silence, as the truck made its way to the drop-off point.
As they neared the town, Clara was aware of the silence that surrounded them. It wasn’t the kind of silence one felt at this hour of the morning, but a silence that came with an emptiness. She peered out through the corner of the canvas cover and instead of buildings and streets that she expected to see, all she could make out was the ruins of what once were people’s homes. Buildings destroyed completely, some with just windows broken, others smouldering from fires. The town had been evacuated previously and even the town’s soul now appeared to have left.
The truck rolled down a narrow side street and through a stone archway, coming to rest in a small courtyard surrounded by damaged buildings. Immediately, the canvas flap was pulled back and two men Clara had never seen before silently gestured for them to climb out. Their faces were grim, the movements urgent.
Henri rounded the truck to face Clara. ‘You go with them now,’ he said quietly, nodding towards the waiting men. ‘Hugo and André will get you to the beach.’
‘Bonsoir, Madame,’ said André. ‘Are you ready for a midnight stroll?’
Henri rolled his eyes and turned back to Clara. ‘You need to go.’
Clara’s eyes found Rose’s in the dim light filtering through the courtyard. Clara felt her heart physically breaking as the reality of it hit her. This was goodbye. Perhaps forever. ‘Oh, Rose.’
Her sister rushed into her arms and, just for a moment, Clara glimpsed the vulnerability beneath Rose’s brave facade. Despite her confident words Rose was still her little sister. Clara held her fiercely, wanting to pour all her strength into the embrace.
There was so much she wanted to say, like, be careful, don’t take unnecessary risks, find a way to let them know you’re alive. But she couldn’t. She had no right to burden Rose with promises she might not be able to keep. Clara understood now, after months of secret work in Berlin, how heavy such expectations could become.
‘We need to move,’ said Hugo urgently, glancing towards the archway. He couldn’t have been older than twenty, but his eyes held the intensity of someone who’d seen too much already. ‘If we don’t go soon, we’ll lose the chance to get through.’
Clara took a deep breath and pulled back from her sister, cupping Rose’s face with trembling hands. ‘If anyone can do this, it’s you. You’re brave, you’re brilliant and you care about people more than your own safety. That’s going to make all the difference.’ The words echoed Friedrich’s parting speech to her, carrying the same desperate hope and fierce pride.
‘I take after you,’ said Rose, blinking back tears from her eyes. She caught Clara’s hands, pressing them tighter against her cheeks. ‘Take care of yourself. Take care of the baby. And Clara—’ her voice broke ‘—tell them at home that I love them.’
Before they could steal any more precious seconds together, Clara felt a firm hand on her arm. ‘Now,’ one of the men said urgently. ‘We have to go.’
Without prolonging the agony, Clara forced herself to follow the two men as they jogged across the courtyard towards a doorway in one of the damaged buildings. At the threshold, she couldn’t help herself. She turned back for a glimpse of her sister.
Rose had moved around the side of the truck as if she too didn’t want to let Clara out of sight until the last possible moment. The moonlight cast just enough light so they could see each other. Rose blew Clara a kiss.
Clara caught the kiss and sent it right back, drinking in every detail of Rose’s beloved face. They smiled at each other and then Clara turned, hurrying into the building, her vision blurred by the tears she was desperately trying to hold back.
She wiped the tears with the back of her hand. She needed to focus. There would be time later to mourn this parting, to replay every moment of their brief reunion, to wonder if she’d ever see Rose again. But right now, she had to honour the promise she’d made to Friedrich, to Rose, to herself. She had to protect her unborn child and get to safety. She had to survive, not just for herself, but for everyone who had sacrificed so much to give her this chance.
