Annie rolled her eyes. ‘She’s a happy one, isn’t she?’
‘And you’re the one with her head in the clouds full of romantic notions. Take those rose coloured specs off,’ retorted Cook.
Fitz couldn’t help laughing. The two women clearly were fond of each other even though they were often opposed. They had worked together for several years now and were probably more like mother and daughter.
A little pang of envy and hope shot through Fitz. Today, had been quite a strange day in lots of ways, but something had changed between her and Camilla, and it was for the better.
After saying her goodbyes to Cook and Annie, promising them she would be back again in a few days, she went off to find her father. She only got as far as the hallway. Camilla was standing there, waiting for Fitz.
‘Is everything all right?’ asked Fitz, wondering if something had happened.
‘Geraldine … Fitz,’ began Camilla. She fiddled with the pearls around her neck, clearly feeling uncomfortable. And she never called Fitz by anything other than her given Christian name. Fitz waited for the bombshell. ‘Could I have a moment? In the drawing room?’
‘Certainly,’ said Fitz. She followed her stepmother into the room which overlooked the rose garden. It was a favourite place of Fitz’s in the summer when she lived at home. The beautiful scent of the blooms and the glorious array of colours set out in a circle with inner circles of roses and a bench in the centre. This time of year though, all the roses had been pruned back for the winter. The garden was bare and stark. How fitting.
‘Please, sit down,’ said Camilla, taking the chair while Fitz sat on the sofa. ‘I just wanted to ask if you really are all right,’ she began. ‘I know you can’t say what happened, but I couldn’t help noticing your eye. It looks a little bruised. I can only imagine what’s happened. But I wanted to check.’
Fitz thought of the letter Camilla had sent her and reminded herself that her stepmother was actually a caring and compassionate woman. An observant one, too. She remembered Camilla looking at her strangely when she had first arrived, it must have been when she noticed Fitz’s bruising.
‘I thought I had covered the bruising, but it seems I’m not as good at it as I thought.’ First Elsie and now Camilla. Fitz made a mental note to apply more face powder. Although hopefully in a day or two she wouldn’t need to.
‘I suspect you’ve been through something quite unimaginable for someone like me, sitting here in this big house, having the luxury of staff and plenty of food on the table,’ said Camilla. ‘I’m very aware of the privileged position I’m in and, I have to say, somewhat embarrassed given what’s going on in the world.’
‘You shouldn’t be embarrassed,’ said Fitz. ‘And you could use your position to help others.’
‘Yes. Indeed,’ said Camilla. ‘In fact, I’ve been thinking about that. I need to speak to your father first, but I thought about opening up the gardens to the villagers. Not to admire the flowers, but to share the produce. I’m turning the whole east side of the garden over to vegetables.’
‘That’s a great idea,’ said Fitz. ‘But the rose garden …’
‘Oh, not that. I know it was your mother’s creation and it’s so beautiful, I really wouldn’t want to destroy that. And I know how much you love it. I wouldn’t take that from you.’
Fitz was quite stunned at this. She hadn’t realised Camilla was aware of her attachment to the rose garden, but Fitz was beginning to realise just how much of Camilla’s kindness she had refused to see. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I appreciate that.’
There was a small silence, before Camilla spoke again. ‘I know things haven’t always been easy between us––’
‘Your letter,’ Fitz said, before Camilla could continue.
‘Ah, yes …’
‘Thank you,’ said Fitz.
Camilla met her gaze and gave a small nod. ‘I …’ she began uncertainly.
‘It’s all right,’ said Fitz. ‘You don’t need to say anything. I just want you to know how sorry I am.’
Camilla looked a little surprised but then gave a sad smile. ‘As am I,’ she said. ‘I haven’t always been the kind of stepmother I’ve wanted to be. I’m not making excuses, but I had no idea how to help you and I think I made quite a mess of it at times. I am sorry.’
‘It wasn’t only you,’ Fitz said. ‘I know I wasn’t always very nice to you. I’m sorry.’
‘No don’t apologise,’ said Camilla hastily. ‘You were a child. You’d lost your mother. You were angry and didn’t understand why, and then I swanned into your life and quite frankly, tried too hard. And when you continued to be angry, it made me keep you at arm’s length. I didn’t know how to deal with your emotions.’ She dipped her gaze for a moment before looking up again. ‘While you were away, I can’t tell you how worried both your father and I were about you. When I heard about your friend dying, it terrified me but it made me realise how much I cared for you. I had hidden those feeling away because I had been rejected. All rather immature of me.’
‘I felt I was betraying my mother by accepting you,’ said Fitz softly. ‘It felt disloyal. That’s why I rebelled. I didn’t want anything to change but that day everything changed forever and it was outside of my control. I didn’t know what to do. I see that now, but it’s only recently I’ve understood myself.’
‘You were hurting and your father and I didn’t know how to help you. I should have done better.’
Fitz was stunned. Not only at Camilla’s candid confession but at her own emotions – one of understanding and love. Something she never thought she’d ever feel for her stepmother. Without thinking, she rushed over to Camilla, who rose to herfeet. They hesitated and then both hugged each other at the same time.
The years of misunderstanding, confusion and tension was squeezed out of them, to be replaced by this deeply buried love they hadn’t realised they had for one another.
