He wove his way through, bringing his plane to a halt on the apron. Then he was out and after a few words with his ground crew, he was striding over towards her.
His smile was warm and reassuring. He opened his arms and wrapped them around her, kissing the top of her head.
‘Jesus, Fitz,’ he said into her hair. ‘I was so worried about you when I heard the airfield had been bombed. Thank God you’re all right.’ He pulled away to look at her as if he needed to see with his own eyes. Then taking off his flying gloves, he wiped her cheek with his thumb.
The tears came again. ‘Hey, it’s all right,’ continued Sam. ‘Don’t cry. I’m not hurt. You’re not hurt. We’re good.’
Fitz shook her head and took a step back. She could hardly bear to look at him. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
Sam looked confused. ‘Sorry? For what?’
‘I can’t do this, Sam,’ she said. ‘We can’t do this. Worrying about each other all the time. Wondering if the other is all right. Our minds not on the job properly. That’s dangerous. One of us will end up making a fatal mistake.’
‘What the hell?’ The confusion and hurt settled on his face. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Listen to me, Sam,’ said Fitz. ‘We can’t love each other. Not now. It’s the wrong time.’
He stood there for a moment, stunned as he took in what she was saying. ‘You can’t speak for me,’ he said, his jaw tight. ‘You’ve no right to tell me what I can and can’t do. I can love you if I want to. Hell, Fitz, I love you because I can’t not love you. I thought you felt the same.’
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t. You thought wrong.’ Fitz couldn’t believe saying those words would be so difficult. She refused to acknowledge that, even to herself, she was not telling the truth.
‘That’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard,’ said Sam.
‘I’m sorry.’
Before Sam could answer, one of the ground crew was calling him. He looked around. ‘Sam! Hey, Sam! You’re needed. The boss wants you. Now.’
Sam turned back to Fitz. ‘I’ve not finished this conversation. I’m not going to let you walk away from us.’
‘You can’t stop me,’ said Fitz.
‘SAM!’ came the engineer again.
‘Look, I gotta go, but we need to talk about this some more,’ he said. ‘I love you, Fitz. We’re worth fighting for. Don’t you forget that.’
Fitz didn’t reply. She watched him jog over towards the hangar, where he paused and looked back at her. ‘Don’t you forget that!’ he shouted out before disappearing into the hangar.
Fitz stood there for a long moment. She’d never forget that. Never. But it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to let herself love him back.
Chapter 11
October 1941
It had been two weeks since the attack on Tangmere airfield and the Germans had intensified their bombing campaign. Fitz had been ferrying planes every day as the factory tried to keep up with demand.
She hadn’t spoken to Sam in that time. He had tried to telephone the house she was billeted at twice now, but each time she had declined to take the call. It was cruel, she knew. There was nothing more she wanted than to speak to him, but she knew if she heard his voice her resolve would crumble. He had even turned up on two nights unannounced on his Brough but she had been away on an overnight assignment.
‘He stayed outside on his motorbike for three hours,’ reported Marjorie the next day. ‘I went out to him but he was adamant he’d wait just in case you returned. In the end he had to go, Mrs Temple said she didn’t want him hanging around outside the house as it wasn’t good for her reputation. Something about the neighbours would think it was a house of ill repute.’
Fitz wanted to laugh at the idea of their landlady worrying about her house being one of ill repute, but it wanted to make her cry more. The thought of Sam desperate to see her was almost too painful to contemplate.
‘I don’t know why you don’t just speak to him,’ Elsie said.
‘The man is clearly head over heels in love with you,’ said Marjorie, as they boarded the bus that was taking them toHamble ferry pool. ‘I’m with Elsie on this, you should at least hear him out.’
Marjorie and Elsie sat down on a double seat and Fitz took the empty seat in front of them. She turned to face her friends. ‘I can’t speak to him,’ she said. ‘It will be too hard to turn him away a second time.’
‘But why? What has he done?’ asked Elsie. ‘I would die to have a chap as gorgeous as Flying Officer Sam Carter. An American who is handsome as hell too.’
