‘Take Kranz, for example. He’s a nice enough man to look at, good in bed … oh, don’t blush … but I know he’s married and when this war is over or his posting is over, he’ll be going home to his wife and children. But all the time he’s here with me, he’s keeping me safe. I am surviving. Neither of us is naïve enough to think our relationship is anything other than human desire, a basic need and, I have to admit, on the whole, good company. Except when he’s teasing you.’
Chanel’s candour surprised me, and it encouraged me to be open with her. ‘But that is good because you both understand that. Sometimes, it can be one-sided.’
‘True. But again, Kranz is not my first lover and nor will he be my last. Not everyone has been or will be as understanding, but all the time, I am keeping myself safe so I come out the other side of this war alive.’ She pointed her cigarette at me. ‘And you need to do the same. I’m not suggesting you sleep with every German soldier, but this young man of yours could be useful to your survival. Remember that.’
Chanel picked up her paper, and I took this as a signal the conversation was over.
When I had finished work for the day, I went up to the sewing room and, using the invisible ink, I wrote down the details of the earlier conversation between Kranz and Göring.
It was a long and time-consuming process as the codes were unfamiliar to me and I had to check and double-check every letter. Eventually, though, I was finished and I left the sketchbook face down on my desk for Tache to tear the page out later that evening.
It gave me a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. So much so, when it came to working on the dress for Chanel, my usual enthusiasm was overshadowed.
By the time I left the hotel two hours later, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was to go home to bed, and when I spotted Alphonse waiting outside the back of the hotel, my heart sank.
‘I wasn’t expecting to see you,’ I said, as he approached.
‘I’ve been thinking about you. I wanted to make sure you were all right,’ said Alphonse. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’ There was a trepidation in his voice.
Chanel’s words of advice about using men in power to my advantage came back to me. It was different for her. I wasn’t thinking about keeping myself alive. Out of all the lives that depended on me, mine wasn’t the priority. Odile and Rachelle’s lives were. And maybe not even Rachelle. She would understand the position I had been put in, but Odile, I couldn’t betray her. Dear, sweet Odile who had already been damaged beyond repair by this war. How could I betray her?
‘No. Not at all,’ I replied, taking the arm he offered.
‘I thought we could stop at the café around the corner from your father’s shop,’ he said. ‘That way, you won’t have far to go.’
We walked down the road and we exchanged details of our day– superficial conversations about nothing in particular and no one in particular. We were both skating around the real issue of our relationship.
All the time we walked, I couldn’t help glancing from one side of the road to the other, wondering if Marcel was lurking in the shadows or following us. I hated that he might think I still had feelings for Alphonse or that I might be double-crossing him. Not for the first time, I wished I was with him.
‘Are you all right this evening?’ asked Alphonse as we neared the café. ‘Only you seem a little on edge. You keep looking around all the time.’
‘I’m sorry. It’s just after being questioned, it’s unnerved me,’ I explained, hoping Alphonse would accept my word.
‘I know it was awful but I was able to speak to Kranz. I assured him you were not a threat,’ said Alphonse.
I looked incredulously at Alphonse. I wasn’t sure if I believed him or he was making such a claim to impress me. ‘I had no idea,’ I said finally.
Alphonse looked very pleased with himself. ‘Kranz and I are on good terms. He values my opinion and the contacts I have.’
He said the last sentence with a pride that made my stomach churn. What Alphonse meant was he would readily betray his fellow countrymen, and he was proud of it.
I had to use every ounce of self-restraint to stop myself from slapping Alphonse across the face. He was so proud of what he did. I despised him and everything he stood for.
‘I need to use the bathroom,’ I said as soon as we entered the café, and hurried through the tables to the back of the building. Simply being in Alphonse’s company was making my skin crawl. I would willingly walk away from him, but Chanel’s words of advice came back to me. Instead of making an enemy of Alphonse, maybe I should remain close to him. I didn’t care about myself but as long as I was alive, I would have some vague chance of keeping my cousins and Marcel safe. If I was dead or arrested, I would be completely powerless.
The toilets were in the restaurant’s backyard, and I was glad of the fresh air. I leaned against the wall of the small courtyard.
‘That was quick. Wasn’t expecting you out here so soon.’
The voice startled me, but I knew at once who it was without even looking.
‘Marcel?’ I whispered.
From the side of the outhouse, the dark figure of Marcel emerged into the half-light of the moon.
I rushed forward and threw myself at him. He pulled me to him and stepped back into the shadows again.
‘Nathalie,’ he murmured before kissing me. His mouth was firm on mine and his hands clasped me tight.
