The tears made a comeback and this time Darcie couldn’t stop them from falling. No one had ever said it out loud like that to her. No one had ever been so precise in hitting the nail on the head. She could barely admit it to herself, because even having those thoughts made her feel guilty.
‘She’s my mum– I shouldn’t resent it,’ she said through her tears. ‘It’s not my mum’s fault, and if she could change what happened, she would, but I owe it to her. She would never walk away from me, so I can’t walk away from her.’ She buried her head in her arms as she hugged her knees to her chest.
Matt shuffled closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and holding her head against him with his other hand. He made comforting, soothing noises, kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair.
He didn’t try to argue with her, to stop her from crying; he just held her and soaked up all the anguish, all the emotion and all the tears both metaphorical and physical.
‘Oh God, your shirt is soaked from where I’ve been crying,’ said Darcie when she eventually pulled away. She fished in her handbag for a tissue and wiped her face. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.’
‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ said Matt. ‘And I’m sorry if it was all a bit too close to home, but I meant what I said: you shouldn’t feel guilty for living your life and enjoying it at the same time.’
‘I know. I do know that, but it’s hard. I can’t help it.’
‘Can I ask you one question and then I promise we don’t have to talk about it anymore?’
‘OK.’
‘You spend all your time putting your mum first, putting your sister before you. You are the one who does all the caring, right?’
Darcie nodded, unsure where he was going with this. ‘Yes, but like I said, I don’t mind.’
‘I wasn’t going to say that,’ said Matt gently. ‘You care for your mum and sister, but who cares for you? I don’t mean your mum and your sister, but who outside of the three of you, looks after you? Who is your support system? Who hugs the hugger?’
This only brought more tears to Darcie’s eyes. She shrugged. ‘No one.’
‘Exactly. You don’t have anyone looking after you.’
‘I can manage.’
‘Can you? Can you really? We all need someone to hug us,’ said Matt. ‘Christ, even I do.’
‘Who looks after you, then?’ she ventured, not even bothering to wipe the tears from her face now.
‘My sister’s pretty good at it. She’s down to earth and while she can’t give me a real hug, she does good virtual hugs.’
‘You can’t beat real human contact, though,’ said Darcie. ‘Having said that, I don’t want you starting to get all fussy over me.’
He pulled her closer into his body. ‘Right now, it’s my job to look after you.’
As Darcie allowed herself to sink into him, she had never felt more vulnerable and yet more protected and cared for than she did right at that moment.
The château was every bit as gorgeous as Darcie imagined. OK, it didn’t have a moat and it certainly wasn’t on the scale of some of the fairy-tale images in glossy magazines and those renovation shows on the TV, but it was beautiful in its compactness. Three storeys high with modest turrets on each corner and a half-flight of stone steps up to the main door, it still had a unique French magic.
They were greeted by the owner, who insisted they call her Yvette. She spoke good English, with Matt only having to fill in with his French every now and again.
‘Your rooms are on the first floor,’ Yvette said. ‘Do you have any luggage with you?’
‘Erm, no,’ said Darcie. ‘It’s an unexpected overnight stay.’
‘If you need anything, there is a supermarket not far, but I can provide you with toiletries.’
‘Thank you, we just called in there,’ said Matt.
‘Ah,c’est bon,’ said Yvette, seemingly happy. ‘Alors, here is the first room. It’s the blue room and next to it is the yellow room. I’ll let you decide who has which room. Both rooms have a double bed.’
Darcie wasn’t sure if Yvette raised her eyebrows at Matt or not.
‘Thank you, Yvette,’ said Matt, taking both sets of keys.
