‘Who else has laughed at you?’
‘Alphonse. He’s my … boyfriend, I suppose.’
Marcel raised his eyebrows in question. ‘You suppose?’
‘I don’t think he is anymore,’ I confessed, looking down and scuffing the ground with my foot. ‘He wants to marry me.’
‘And you don’t want to marry him?’
I shook my head. ‘No. He’s not as understanding as you are. He’s very traditional. We don’t really have anything in common and the war, the occupation, has just highlighted that even more.’
‘How do you mean?’
I looked up and met Marcel’s gaze. ‘He’s a policeman and he’s very loyal to the Vichy government.’ Marcel didn’t reply, just gave a small nod of understanding. I continued. ‘He was asking me a lot of questions about Edgar before I came here. There was also an incident and he scared me.’ I gave an involuntary shiver as I remembered Alphonse holding the gun to the back of my head.
‘Do you trust him?’
I looked away, feeling embarrassed at my connection with Alphonse. ‘No. I don’t.’ It was only because Papa had spoken up that Kranz had ordered Alphonse to take the gun away. I couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t have pulled the trigger if Kranz had ordered him to shoot me.
‘Does he know how you feel?’
I shook my head. ‘I haven’t told him yet. Being away from him has given me a clarity of thought I haven’t had before. Despite the distractions here.’
‘Distractions?’
I didn’t need to reply. Marcel knew I meant him. He closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around me, holding me to his chest. I didn’t resist. I wanted to feel his body against mine.
He breathed in and let out a slow breath. ‘I know what you mean by distractions.’ He tipped my chin up with his finger and kissed the tip of my nose. ‘We should start heading back before anyone notices you’re missing.’
‘Thank you for doing this for me,’ I said as we began walking back through the forest.
‘Are you still determined to go through with this revenge thing?’
‘It’s not a thing and yes I am,’ I replied.
‘I was hoping you’d change your mind.’
‘I can’t. I owe it to Edgar.’
‘But would he want you to do this for him? Who are you doing this for?’
I didn’t answer him. It was hard to even admit it to myself, but I was doing this for me, to extinguish my anger and inflict the same penalty on the person who’d killed my brother. It wasn’t a trait I particularly liked, but it was there– the need for retribution.
‘Plus, I don’t want anything to happen to you.’ Marcel stopped and looked at me. ‘I’d feel it was my fault.’
I looked him straight in the eyes. ‘Whatever happens, please know this is not your fault.’ I began walking again.
Marcel caught up with me, taking my hand in his. ‘It’s not just that. I shouldn’t really say this. I mean, I don’t believe in getting involved romantically with someone in these sorts of circumstances, not to mention the fact that I barely know you, but I care about you, Nathalie. Probably more than I should.’
I squeezed his hand. ‘And I about you, but whatever is happening between us, life around us is still going on and we have to be involved. I need to do something. I can no longer be a bystander.’
His hand came up to my cheek, and my breathing quickened. I covered his hand with my own. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t afraid. I felt brave and desired.
He closed his eyes as if steeling himself and let out a long breath with frustrated undertones. He went to move his hand away.
‘Nathalie. I’m sorry. I can’t,’ he began.
I gripped his hand tightly so he couldn’t move it from my face. ‘Don’t,’ I whispered. ‘We mustn’t think about the future. Everything can change in a moment. We must only think about now.’
