The smallest breeze stirred his hair. “You shouldn’t have come here.”
It was him; Mal would never forget the rasp of that broken voice, and every word seemed to punch right through him with the bittersweet ache of things lost and found. He glanced quickly at Griff again, but the other man didn’t seem to hear a thing.
“But I’m glad you did,” Rhun went on, his words coming slowly, as if at a great cost. “Thank you. Consider any debt between us morethan repaid. You’re never as alone as you think, Mal. Nor as damaged, nor as designed to damage others. You could just live, and live well—all three of you—and that would make all our sacrifices matter. Look after Alys for me. I know you and Griff will look after each other, as it always should have been.” The hand gave a gentle squeeze, followed by a pat on Mal’s back, and then it was gone.
Rhun was gone.
Griff’s pale face became a blur as Mal tried to catch his breath, the words still echoing down into the heart of him that he had convinced himself was so unreachable. Alys rejoined them some hazy moments later, a hand rubbing her shoulder as if she, too, had felt that phantom touch. One last goodbye.
“I thought,” Griff said groggily, raising a hand to his good shoulder. “I could have sworn I felt—”
“It was him. Even if I couldn’t see him—I’ll never forget the feeling.” Alys broke first as she finished choking the words out, the floodgates opening. Griff must have been alert enough to put things together, because he was quick to follow, tears streaking his grimy face as he lay there not quite ready to move.
Even Mal didn’t have enough energy left to fight the burn at the back of his eyes.
The trio held each other as night deepened around them. As the ravens began to depart in droves, no doubt to bring word of the battle to their master. As a few green-eyed ghosts dared to come close enough to offer Mal their solemn, silent bows of thanks rather than hold up their fingers in warning. The three old friends kept their arms around each other until their tears were mostly dry, until it was time for words again. Time to figure out if what was between Griff and Mal could be saved too.
Chapter Thirty-OneReal
Griff was still half out of it, but he was very much aware that Mal was holding fistfuls of his shirt and gazing at him like he thought he would never see him again.
That had been so close. Too close. He had caught some of what the wraith said, enough to understand that they had all narrowly escaped eternal servitude. A fate worse than mere death.
Reaching up with a shaking hand, Griff touched his tender throat, sure that bruises were already blooming where the wraith had grabbed him. His wyvern-ravaged shoulder, however, remained too numb to feel much of anything.
“I’m going to talk for a minute,” Mal said hoarsely, while in the distance behind him, Alys finally busied herself with the kettle. If ever there was a time they all needed a hot cup of tea, it was now. “And you’re going to really listen this time. Because I’ve worked too hard at getting you back into my life to give up on us this easily. Say what you want about me, but I’m no quitter. I’m a damn good swimmer, and I’ve kept my head above water through the worst life has thrown at me so far.” Softer, wrapping one ofGriff’s curls around his finger, he added, “I would have jumped into a fucking elf pond for you any day.”
When Alys brought over two steaming tin mugs of tea, Mal cut her a glance, his eyes shimmering with exhaustion and thanks as she quickly went on her way again. Then he met Griff’s patiently waiting gaze and continued, “There’s no version of my existence without you in it, even when I tried to pretend otherwise. And if I’d known, I wouldn’t have left you to die, not ever, not for a king’s ransom. The last thing I ever wanted to be was the death of you, and the whole point of this trip was me trying to make it right, even when I still thought you hated me.”
He paused, swallowing with a wince like there was a bitter taste in his mouth, then took a sip of scalding tea. “No matter what you think, this wasn’t about money,” he insisted. “I don’t get to keep a single coin beyond those silvers we found, since they’re not part of it. The only thing I asked for in exchange for bringing back the treasure was that you’d be safe from them for the rest of your life, and I wouldn’t have to work there anymore. That was the deal even before I knew how you felt. Before I knew howIreally felt. But now, if you still want it too, I want to make this something that’s good for both of us. Something real, so it lasts.”
Griff had plenty that he wanted to say, but Mal had asked to talk first, so he simply squeezed the other man’s forearm—the one without the angry-looking tattoo—to encourage him to keep going.
“Look, maybe making a bargain with the Shadow Queen was the stupidest thing I could have done, but there didn’t seem to be any other way to get what I needed—which was you no longer being a target. How would you feel if you’d been responsible formynear death without realizing it until later?” Mal asked, frowning into his tea.
Now that Griff sat and really thought about it, it made sense that Mal would be working where the good money was. It also made sense that he didn’t care what he was being asked to do, to a point. Mal had grown up listening to Wynnie, after all, andwanting to impress her. But what made the most sense of all was Mal having no idea what his boss’s motives were, not wanting to know more than he had to, and not knowing he was helping with something that had nearly cost Griff his life.
Not knowing was the worst.
Griff hadn’t known Mal was in so much trouble in Thrallkeld. He’d been too busy being above it all with the elves, and Mal had died, alone and friendless and without the person who claimed to love him.
He couldn’t hold what Mal hadn’t known against him, not if he wanted Mal to forgive him for not coming to Thrallkeld back when. “I’d feel like shit. Idofeel like shit, because I already know exactly what that’s like. It’s how I’ve felt since I found out you were alone and eating rats in a tunnel somewhere without me.” He reminded himself then to speak more slowly, using his other hand to sign now that half of Mal’s hearing was gone. “One thing I’m sure of is that you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I know your heart, so I know you don’t support the dark queen, but—being in business withherpeople?”
“I’m in business with business,” Mal insisted, still clutching Griff’s shirt with one hand like it was giving him strength. “Look, there are plenty of other things we didn’t know about each other before this trip, yet here we are, together and in love. Or at least, I think we are.” Before Griff had a chance to offer any kind of assurance, he added quickly, “I have to make a living somehow. Pants don’t last very long, nor are they cheap. But I’m done with Her Dreadful Majesty once we bring this treasure in. For good. Fuck her agenda and her gold.”
“Horses aren’t cheap either, and you still owe me one,” Griff reminded him, making a little galloping motion with his fingers to get the point across. There were so many signs he could improvise for them. He was going to have fun with that, if they survived the rest of their time in the Mire. Because even if it wasn’t easy, he still wanted this thing with Mal.
The thief grinned and slowly leaned closer, as if assessing his welcome back in Griff’s presence. “I’m going to have to buy you a fancy cane too, for that ankle,” he murmured, finally letting go of the shirt to run his hand over the top of the bandages on Griff’s lower leg. “You’ll never want for anything with me, even if that means working overtime for life.”
“I already don’t,” Griff insisted, reaching for that hand. “You say you want something real, Mal? Well, I’m real. You’re real. How much I love you—that’s real too. If it wasn’t, if I was choosing someone else, I would have gone home well before now. Liam or not.”
Mal frowned at the name, just as he had done earlier when he was shouting it at Griff. “I love you too. But I don’t need any more apologies or pretty words. No promises, just proof.” He held Griff’s gaze a moment before continuing, “You know that person you loved all those years after you left for Stormveil? He wasn’t real. That was just you, conjuring a phantom of me.”
“I did love imaginary you,” Griff said, taking his first generous gulp of tea even as he kept his eyes on Mal’s. “But I love this you too, the more I’ve come to know you. And I want to figure this thing out just like you do. Build it so it lasts.”
“Well then. More than anything, I need to know that I’m enough for you, just like this,” Mal admitted quietly. “And maybe, as much as I want that, I need to show you that you’re enough for me too. The part where I want more with you than I ever have with anyone else? That’s real too.” Tears slid down his dirty cheeks, and he didn’t glance away or try to wipe them. “I may have kissed a lot of girls, but you—you’re my best ever, and you always will be. And all those big plans of mine? The travel, the castle, spending all those silvers? I chased them so hard because I’m the only one who’s never let me down, but that’s not giving you a real chance to show up for me. And lately I don’t give a damn about any of those plans if you’re not in them, if that wasn’t clear. Without you, they’re no good, and I’m done dreaming.You’re my biggest dream. My castle. My world. None of it matters without you at the center.”
Griff’s lips parted, but for once, no sound came out. He had to hope there was plenty of love in his eyes to light the way. To trust that that was enough.
