“Not exactly.”
“Then what’s the big deal?” He slammed his phone down. “You kiss some friends but not others? Or am I wrong and we aren’t friends? ’Cause you’re over here a lot for someone who just wants a letter out of me. And if you’re going to jump every time I sit next to you—”
“I don’t—”
“—or give you a casual peck, then there’s the door. I have better things to do. Maybe you should go back to your apartment and—”
“Mushrooms,” I said. “Can we get mushrooms on the pizza?” My ears were ringing, and I was clutching the pillow in my lap.
Guy shook his head slightly and looked at his hands splayed on the counter.
I closed my eyes, then opened them. “And I’m sorry. You surprised me is all. You’re right, it was nothing and we are friends. I do need you to write me that letter, but I also like coming over here. Please don’t make me go. I don’t—I have nowhere to go. Please.”
We held eye contact for long seconds, then Guy picked up his phone and dialed. Still looking at me, he lifted it to his ear. I didn’t start to breathe again until he said, “Yeah, for delivery. Mushrooms.”
ADAM
At home on Sunday night, I was half-asleep when I heard quiet knocking on the back door in the kitchen. I rolled over in my bed to check the time. It was close to midnight. Sitting up, I listened.
I knew Mom was still up. Some nights, it was like she was keeping watch to make sure no one came in or out while she was sleeping. She’d never rest again if she knew that meant nothing bad would ever happen to her remaining sons.
From upstairs I heard her chair slide across the wooden floor in the kitchen, as though she had scooted back from the table.
I listened to her walk toward the back door and then stop before reaching it. Whoever she saw through the window didn’t make her call out for Jeremy or me, but she wasn’t moving either. I was out of bed in a heartbeat, hurrying down the hall, my sock-covered feet nearly slipping down the narrow, steep, twisting staircase that had been original to the house when it was built in the 1850s.
I reached the kitchen as Mom opened the door, revealing Daniel on our back porch.
Déjà vu hit me hard. There’d been so many nights growing up when I’d wake up and find Daniel in our kitchen with Mom. Sometimes Greg would be there, too. Sometimes Daniel wouldn’t even come inside. Mom always acted like it was completely normal for him to come knocking on our kitchen door late at night, even if he was visibly hurt. It was like she knew that a startled or overly compassionate response from her would send him running. I think that was where Greg got his easy touch with animals. She’d leave the door open and turn away, say something about how she was getting herself a cup of tea and offer to pour him one, too. Sometimes it would take the entire pot before he’d let her tend whatever injury he had.
Most of the time, Daniel’s injuries weren’t physical though, and talking to him, sometimes until the sun came up, was the only comfort she could give him.
Watching Daniel, who looked so much older than he’d been the last time he came to our back door, I knew this visit wasn’t about him seeking solace from her.
For one, Mom was the one who went still and skittish. I’d been so happy when I ran into Daniel a few weeks ago, even though I couldn’t see him or think about him without remembering Greg—maybe because of that. But Mom didn’t want to think about Greg, or rather, she did, but on her very controlled terms.
Daniel showing up after more than two years, forcing those memories on her, had to be a shock. His gaze flicked over Mom’s shoulder to me, and I drew back into the shadow of the stairway, mindful to avoid stepping on the creaky floorboard. It felt like my being there would make things different, maybe easier for Mom, but not in a way that might make things better.
“Daniel?” Her back was to me, but I could imagine her eyes cataloging his face, noticing the new scar on his eyebrow and taking in all the ways he’d changed since she saw him last. I knew, for her, that also meant seeing the extra years that Greg never got to have.
“Hi, Mrs. Moynihan.”
Instinct snapped her into motion after that. She beckoned him inside and put the kettle on the stove to boil, her body seeming to tell her what to do even when her mind might have refused.
He watched the stiff line of her shoulders and the rapid blinking of her eyes.
“I ran into Adam in the city a few weeks ago. Did he tell you?”
Mom’s arm stilled in the process of pulling the honey bear bottle down from the cabinet next to the fridge. “No, he didn’t mention it.”
“I met a friend of his, too, a girl.”
I thought I almost saw Mom smile as she turned. “Jolene.”
Daniel nodded. “He seemed happy.”
Mom inclined her head a little and sat down across from him, placing two steaming mugs on the table.
“But he told me that things aren’t...good.”
