I wanted to see him more than a lot of things. And I guess he wanted to see me too.
There wasn’t even a semblance of a breeze though, so I wasn’t sure how long either of us would last outside. Daniel was already faring worse than I was.
“That’s because my blood is thinner than yours,” I told him when he remarked on the difference. “Besides, it gets hot in Philadelphia during the summer too.”
“Yeah, it does,” he said. “In a way it’s worse because it gets sticky from all the humidity, like you need a straw just to breathe.”
I folded an arm under my head. “There you go.”
Daniel sat up and nodded his chin at me. “But we didn’t melt on rooftops. We had pools. Where’s your pool?”
“It’s in my bathroom and it’s called a tub.” I offered him the half-empty, barely cool water bottle I’d brought up with me, but he ignored it. Where the warmth was pestering him, it was lulling me. “Stop moving so much. You’ll cool down.”
But he kept shifting constantly. I tugged my lip and looked past him, squinting into the distance, as an idea occurred to me.
“Come on.” I stood and pulled Daniel up with me. For a second his stomach brushed against mine. A lot of his body brushed against a lot of mine. All of his warmth wrapped around me. I felt the tiny sweat droplets transfer from his skin to mine. My breath caught in a way it hadn’t maybe ever.
No big deal. I had to repeat that a lot to myself when I was with Daniel. No big deal when his thigh would rest against mine sitting next to each other, or when his breath stirred the tiny hairs on the back of my neck when he stood behind me closer than was strictly necessary. Or like when his fingers slid down my arm once I regained my balance, but he stayed standing just as close.
I was used to the butterflies I felt around Daniel, but not the pterodactyls that suddenly swooped in and started crashing around in my stomach.
“How badly do you want to get out of this heat?” I asked, putting a few much-needed inches between us.
“Badly, but I don’t want to let you—to go yet.” He was smiling at me, a questioning sort of smile that made me imagine what he might have looked like as a little boy.
“I’m talking about both of us going somewhere. Maybe.”
Daniel hesitated. Things between us had been…good. Easy. We hung out, we talked. But we kept it safe. Neither of us ever suggested going somewhere. All the nights that we spent on my roof had always been that—on my roof. I never actually left my house. Somehow that had seemed important. Daniel must have come up with his own rationalization for all the time we spent together, and now I was potentially jeopardizing that.
He looked away from me, frowning ever so slightly. “Not sure that’s a great idea.”
I walked to the side of the roof. “It’s actually a brilliant idea.”Maybe.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Not far. We can walk.” I sat and let my legs dangle over the edge.
After another moment of indecision, Daniel jumped down onto the wall. Before I could roll onto my stomach and shimmy down next to him, Daniel reached up and gripped my hips.
“I got you.”
I felt the muscles in his shoulders tense as he supported my weight until my feet were on the wall next to his. The pterodactyls went wild when he kept his hands on me.
No big deal. No big deal.
It didn’t matter how many times I told myself that. I stopped believing it the moment I left my roof with Daniel in the middle of the night.
Big deal. Very big deal.
I stepped back as soon as I was steady.
Daniel started to jump to the ground, but I stopped him.
“How good is your balance?” I took a few steps along the top of the narrow wall. If I pressed my ankles together the very edges of my feet still hung off either side.
“What are you doing?”
“Wall walking.” I wobbled. “I used to do it when I was younger and apparently much more coordinated.”
