We both fell silent.
He noticed the unopened pop can next to me. “That for me?”
And he questioned my humor? Okay, then. “Nope.” I reached into the bag by my feet and pulled out one of Dad’s old baseballs. “This was for you, or more accurately, your house. Just in case.”
I was still testing things with Daniel, so I wasn’t sure if I’d totally misread his question until he smiled.
“Things have been quiet.”
“I noticed.” I also noticed thatquietwasn’t the same asbetter.
“You been okay?”
My auto response was at the ready before I realized I didn’t have to give it. I could actually tell the truth without getting psychoanalyzed or pitied in response. Really, what was the worst that could happen? Daniel deciding he didn’t want to talk to me anymore? I already knew what that felt like. His situation was already worse than mine. Maybe he wouldn’t even bat an eye.
So I told him the truth. All of it.
“My mom called. The last time I talked to her was one hundred and forty-three days ago, right after I caught her trying to undress the guy I’d been in love with for as long as I can remember.” I hated that my throat felt thick as I squeezed out those words. I tried to smile, but had to look away before I could manage it. I had never said these words to another living soul. “In her note she said that she was suffocating but she never blamed me. Wasn’t that nice of her?” I couldn’t find the right place to look. My breath picked up.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I just can’t believe I told you that.”
Daniel’s expression hadn’t changed. There was no disgust or pity on his face. Nothing that said he’d treat me differently, just that maybe he did understand.
“Actually, I can,” I added, instantly changing my mind. “I don’t feel any better about it, but I don’t feel like I’m choking on it all either.” So I kept talking. “She only talked to my dad. I don’t even know what she wants.” I shook my head then stopped. “Maybe she wants a tune-up. Or Sean’s number.” I hated how bitter I sounded, but after Dad’s cryptic words, bitterness was all I had left.
She wants everything.
If I let that go, the fear at whateverythingcould be would devour me.
“Sean as in the guy you run with?”
“Sean as in the guy she tried to maul.” Another deep breath.
There was nothing else to say about that. Fortunately Daniel didn’t need me to ask if we could change the subject.
“I’ve seen you a couple times running by the canals.”
That startled me. There were always cars driving past. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might have been one of them. “I haven’t seen you.”
“Yeah, I’ve been busy. I had a job lined up before I moved out here, but it fell through. Trying to find something else.”
“And?”
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
I addedchattyto the scant list of things I knew about Daniel.
“It’s too bad you don’t know more about cars. My dad keeps threatening to hire a new mechanic so he can take a day off every now and then.” That was a lie. We didn’t have enough business to hire anyone. I was babbling.
“You wanna teach me?” he said, not really meaning it.
“Yeah, maybe.” I didn’t really mean it either. “So what are you going to do?”
“I used to hustle pool back in Philly. I could do that for a while.”
I leaned forward. “What, seriously?” The look he gave me was very serious and I sat back. “Sorry, I didn’t think people actually did that.”
