“I like her too.”
“You do?”
“Claire, I’m not in love with Sean anymore. Cami’s nice, and she really seems to like him.”
“I know! Did you see the way she looked at him? As if Sean needs a bigger head.” Claire cast a sideways look at me. “So you’re fine with everything? I had to make sure you weren’t going to bail again tomorrow. Sean is completely worthless when you don’t show up.” She did that thing where she looked at me but pretended she wasn’t. “I doubt he would even come if you weren’t there.”
“Don’t start, Claire.”
“What? You didn’t see how disappointed he was the other morning.” When I didn’t answer, she pressed on. “I think he’s just being nice to her because she’s new.”
“If he was any nicer to her she’d be pregnant.”
Claire’s mouth pinched along with her eyebrows. “Oh, please. I’ve seen him flirt way more than that with the school librarian when he’s trying to get out of an overdue book fine.”
“Then it doesn’t really matter, does it? Not to him. And not to me either.”
“But I really think he’s starting to come around.”
“Well, he’s too late.”
Claire sighed as we finally reached my street. “You don’t mean that. You should, but you don’t.”
I silently groaned. I didn’t want to think about Sean like that. I wanted to think about him as my friend. As someone I loved, but wasn’t in love with. I wanted to be happy if he was happy. I wanted to be able to hang out with him and not think about what almost was. Not think about why it never happened. Why so many things went so very wrong. Because that was about so much more than Sean. And if I tried really hard, maybe I could keep him away from the rest of it.
I wanted to be able to keep him, and I wouldn’t be able to if I kept trudging down this same, well-worn path.
Claire was frowning and smiling at me when we reached my house. She didn’t understand. Maybe that was my fault for not telling her everything when my mom left. But even months later, every fiber in my being recoiled at the thought of those words spilling over my lips. The only person I’d come close to telling was Daniel, and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t be coming around anymore.
So instead I made some joke about the movie and Claire laughed. We hugged goodbye and I sent her home to her picture-perfect family where her mom always waited up for her.
And I went inside to my dark house.
CHAPTER 15
Iwas trapped and Claire knew it. Cami had followed through with her invitation to hang out the following night, and Claire’s last-minute option was the less torturous of the two. Marginally.
It wasn’t Cami’s fault she liked Sean. It was my fault that I couldn’t deal with watching them together. All in all I deserved to help Claire paint her bedroom for the third time that month.
“This is definitely the color, don’t you think?” Claire held a paint chip against her wall. The shade in question looked identical to the one already on her walls.
“They’re ripping you off, Claire. I don’t care what name they call it, that is the exact color you bought before. And the time before that. And the time before that.”
She gaped at me. “It’s like four shades darker.” She held the chip in front of my face, as if the proximity would somehow turn it into a different color.
I shook my head.
She squatted next to the paint trays and held out a roller. “I promise you’ll see the difference once it dries.”
I seriously doubted that.
Claire pried the lid off a paint can with an ease that spoke of way too much practice. “We should call Sean. I bet he bailed on Cami when he found out you wouldn’t be there.”
“Maybe we should call Micah Porter. Iknowhe’d blow off plans to see you.”
“Take that back!”
My eyes lit up. “I knew it! You’re always staring at him in choir.”
