“Mmm.” I offered her one, but she put it back on the plate untouched.
“Can you tell I used agave nectar instead of sugar?”
Through a mouthful of muffin Sean mumbled, “What the hell is agave nectar?”
I laughed.
Claire relaxed next to me on the bed. “Sorry about the coffee.”
“Don’t be. I’m just a little sensitive today.”
I’d tried talking to Claire about my parents when the fighting started getting bad. Sean too, a little. And they’d tried to understand, I knew they had, but it was hard to relate when the biggest fight Claire’s parents ever got in was over who got to pick the movie on date night.
Sean said his parents fought sometimes, but when I’d pressed him to give me an example, he’d mumbled something about how they mostly fought with his older sister. I’d heard my parents fight until they went hoarse.
I’d stopped talking about it with them after that. But I needed to tell somebody this time.
I took a deep breath. “She called last night.”
Claire’s eyes practically popped out of her head. “Be quiet!” Claire had a self-imposed thing about language. She couldn’t even bring herself to sayshut upwithout breaking into a sweat. “What did she say? Does she want to come back?”
At the same time Sean said, “Are you okay?”
They both sat on the edge of my bed while I stood against my dresser. “She only talked to my dad.” Sean moved to my side and leaned his shoulder against mine. Warm and solid. I moved away as casually as possible. No way could I talk about her while any part of his body touched mine.
Claire’s muffin felt like a rock in my stomach. The thing about Mom leaving, the thing that I couldn’t explain to my friends no matter how much I wished I could, was that I needed it to be exactly the way it was. She left. She never called or tried to contact me. She was the one who broke off all ties. She had to be gone completely, or I wouldn’t be able to breathe.
Claire had the same look on her face that she got when we studied chemistry together, the one subject she had to work at. “What did she say to him?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. My dad was really uncomfortable when I asked him about it.”
“Don’t you want to know?”
“Shut up, Claire.”
Claire spun to Sean. “Excuse me?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“But…” Claire turned back to me. “Do you think she wants to…come back?”
And what? Grovel at my feet and beg Dad and me to take her back? I’d laugh if I didn’t think I might start crying.
I shrugged and decided I hadn’t tied the lace right on my boot. I bent down and started retying it. Claire and Sean were arguing, but I wasn’t listening.
I was trying hard not to think about why Mom decided to call. I doubted she had suddenly grown a human heart, which left me with alternatives that I could not, would not, let myself think about. Because every one of them destroyed this fragile new life Dad and I were building together.
I’d lost count of the number of times I’d retied my boots before Sean knelt next to me. “Jill, stop.” His hands covered mine.
There was no pretense of being casual when I jerked away from him that time. I stood up and pretended to check my bag for my wallet and keys while I got my emotions in check. “Hey, thanks for checking up on me. And for the muffins,” I added to Claire, who still looked rattled. “But I’ll be late if I don’t leave soon.”
“You need a ride?” Sean asked.
“I drove the flip car home last night, but thanks.” I was never so grateful for that wreck of a Mazda as I was right then. I didn’t think I could have shared such a small space with Sean that morning.
He nodded at me and then stopped to say something to Claire that I couldn’t hear. Whatever it was, she visibly softened enough to let him snag another muffin.
“You really have no idea what she wanted?” Claire asked.
