“Welcome to Jungle Juice,” she said, near deadpan. “Do you know what you want?”
Yes, I thought, walking up and clutching the counter with a death grip.But I don’t know if it’s even possible.“I’m actually looking for Brandon. Is he working today?”
She placed both palms on the counter and stared at me without blinking. “What do you want with Brandon?”
I remembered the kiss I’d witnessed between them and wanted to make sure she knew I wasn’t trying to undermine whatever they had. Brandon was going to need as many people in his corner as possible in the very near future, and if he wanted Ariel to be one of them, then I wanted her for him.
I was saved from having to answer her by Brandon’s entrance from the back room. That same needle of pain from the first time I’d seen him up close punctured my heart. It wasn’t as sharp, but it was there. I held the counter tighter, waiting and dreading the moment he’d notice me and feel it too. When he saw Ariel, his smile was almost embarrassingly happy, but when he followed her gaze to me, he looked instantly ready to vomit.
“Apparently, she’s here for you,” Ariel said to Brandon, in a voice that made us both flinch, before disappearing through the door Brandon had entered.
He wanted to go after her, I could tell by the way his shoulders started to turn when she passed him, but his feet stayed cemented to the floor. If he followed her, he’d have to explain my presence, and he looked like he’d rather stick his fist in a blender.
“What are you doing here?” If Ariel’s greeting had been chilly, Brandon’s was subzero. “You need to leave. Now.”
If I’d thought he might have softened toward me in the weeks since we first met, I was so very wrong. Before, he’d been struck dumb, so overwhelmed by his need for denial that he’d been able to generate only a flicker of true anger. But the animosity he was shooting off at our second meeting was lethal. I hesitated under his glare, but since I knew I was bringing him something good rather than earth-shattering, I couldn’t slink away. I wasn’t adding to the horrible discovery from last time; I was telling him he had another sister, one who played the guitar like he did and, if he wanted, he could see her play that very night.
And then maybe he’d want to play again too. Maybe we could talk about all of it and he wouldn’t have to hurt alone. Maybe I could tell him all the other little things that we shared, the three of us. I could tell him we liked fishing too, that we’d all taken the same photo with Chip and Dale at Disneyland. I could tell him that I loved kung fu movies as much as he did, and if he didn’t love baseball, Sel and I could teach him why he should.
“Brandon—”
His eyes flared and he was suddenly right in front of me. He’d moved so fast and so forcefully that I took a step back.
“You don’t say my name. You don’t come to my work. You don’t—”
“And I won’t do any of this ever again. I’m not here to talk about—” I abandoned the names I’d been going to say when he tensed as though readying for a blow. My eyes swam with tears. I’d done it all so badly before. I’d ruined his life and just left him without getting to share anything good, and Selenawasgood, just like he was a good thing to me and would be to her. Whatever our respective parents had done decades ago, it didn’t change the fact that we were siblings. “I never meant to hurt you, then or now. Please, I just need—”
“What about whatIneed!” The sound he made was inhuman, like an animal caught in a snare. It startled me into silence and brought Ariel back up front. Brandon’s shoulders hunched, and I knew he was aware that we had an audience. He wasn’t going to say a single word in front of her, and he was naked in his pleading for me to remain silent, as well. “I’ll just be a second,” he said, half turning his head in Ariel’s direction but never taking his eyes from me. We walked to the door, and his arm lifted to open it for me before he checked the impulse and dropped his hand. I told myself that his anger wasn’t wholly meant for me, but my hands still shook as I pushed open the door.
As soon as the door closed behind us, preventing Ariel from hearing us, Brandon turned on me. “Please,” he said, letting a sliver of desperation cut through his hostility. “I don’t want to hear any more.” His head extended forward. “I can’t.”
I opened my mouth, then shut it. How could I begin to tell him about Selena in the seconds I had before Ariel came out and took him away from me? Already I could see her through the window, edging around the counter and taking slow steps toward the door.
Brandon turned when my eyes left his, seeing Ariel’s approach, as well. Looking back at me, he said, “Please don’t do this. You get that you’re ruining my life, right? Every second you stand here, you make it harder for me to explain you away.”
I winced, but if he saw it, he gave no indication. I didn’t want him to explain me away any more than I wanted to explain him away. I wanted to tell him he had another sister, one who wasn’t any part of the mistakes I’d made with him. Afterward, if he still didn’t want anything to do with us, then at least he’d know what he was walking away from.
“I’ll go, but there’s a coffee shop called Lava Java, and—”
“Fine. My shift is almost over. If you leave now, I’ll meet you there.” He looked over his shoulder again. Ariel was now on the other side of the door, arms crossed and staring. “Just go, now.”
And he was gone before I could say another word.
CHAPTER 33
Iwaited outside Lava Java as long as possible, but Brandon had only said his shift was almost over. I had no idea whatalmostmeant. Ten minutes? Thirty? An hour? It wasn’t cold, but I kept rubbing my arms and gnawing on my bottom lip as I scanned the parking lot for… I didn’t even know what kind of car he drove, or if he’d had second thoughts and wasn’t going to show at all. Or what if he came late and saw Selena before I had a chance to explain? What if she sawhimbefore I had a chance to slip him into the back? The point was for him to see her, and then, when I’d had the chance to tell her everything and she was ready, I could tell her that he’d been there and heard her. Except my stomach was steadily punching its way up my throat as the minutes rushed by and there was still no Brandon.
Inside, people were already performing. Selena was scheduled as one of the last to go on, but the longer I stayed outside, the more nervous she’d get, thinking I wasn’t going to show.
“Dana!” Selena burst out of the door at my back. “I’ve been freaking out for the past twenty minutes. Where were you?”
“I’m sorry, I was just…” My voice trailed off as I took in her appearance. She had on more makeup than usual, and she’d made her hair do this soft wave thing around her face. She looked like Selena, and she didn’t. She didn’t look like Selena the softball player or Selena the college student. She didn’t look like my big sister. I wasn’t smiling when she reached me.
“Never mind. I don’t want to hear another lie anyway.” She pressed her hands over her stomach. “I’m so nervous. Do I look nervous?”
“You look different,” I said, unsure why that bothered me so much but knowing that it did. Selena’s hands flew to her hair.
“Whitney convinced me to try extensions. You can’t tell, can you?”
