We’d missed all of that. And we were missing more, every day. These were memories we couldn’t have. And the more I thought about them, the more the idea of them shifted and faded. Even if we could go back, knowing about Brandon, it wouldn’t be as simple as reliving life with him in the picture. He wasn’t Mom and Dad’s son. He was the son of Dad and another woman. It would never have been the five of us singing carols around the Christmas tree or squished together in the back seat during a family road trip with Mom and Dad yelling at us from the front. It might not have been Mom and Dad at all.
Inside Jungle Juice, Brandon and Ariel were doing one of those awkward two-steps where they both kept moving in the same direction trying to pass the other. Finally, Ariel stopped and slapped her hand on the counter. Whatever she said to Brandon made his eyes go wide. He said something short back to her, and she responded with a quick nod before grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him. My brother might have been weak in the warm-up department, but he wasn’t lacking in follow-through. I could almost hear her squeak of surprise when his arms circled her and he kissed her back. I joined her in laughing at the look on his face when they broke apart. I looked the same way every time I won a softball game. Selena and I both did. All three of us had inherited the same expression from our dad.
* * *
I made it home just before curfew and ducked into the office to say good-night when I saw that Dad had already gone to bed.
“Wait, wait, wait. How was studying?” Mom asked, her head turned in my direction but her eyes still locked on whatever she was typing on her computer. “Did you actually do homework this time?”
“We talked about homework—does that count?”
With a dramatic mouse click, Mom turned her full attention to me. “There, I—” Her smile was replaced by a frown. “Honey, what happened?” She was at my side in a moment, her voice matching the softness of her hands as she cupped my face. “You look like you were crying.”
She let me pull away. “Oh yeah. Jess and I—we kind of had this fight, sort of. It was dumb, but it’s fine now.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
She tilted her head to the side, holding my gaze as she brushed her thumb over my cheek. “Wanna talk about it? I’ll share my Kisses with you.”
I hugged her. Mom didn’t like sharing her chocolate.
“Is that a yes?” she asked when I held on too long. I could hear the smile in her voice.
Not yet, I thought,not yet.
In my room, Selena was snoring on the side of the bed I usually slept on. I changed into shorts and a T and slipped into the other side as quietly as possible. After a minute, I whispered, “Sel?”
No answer. I looked over at her. Not so much as a twitch in her eyelid moved.
“Sel?”
Still nothing.
I took a breath. Saying it out loud was so bittersweet. “We have a brother. His name is Brandon, and I think you’d like him. I think we both would.”
CHAPTER 23
Between his work and class schedules and softball, I had to wait another two days before I saw Chase again. I met him in the parking lot outside Jungle Juice after practice on Tuesday. He’d told me just to come in when I got there, but I’d caught a glimpse of Brandon through the window and knew that couldn’t happen. Just being in the parking lot when Brandon was working was a risk, but I was too eager—for a lot of things—to care.
“Hey,” Chase said when he reached my car and rested his hands on my open window. Every part of me lit up seeing him. I nearly bounced in my seat. Nearly. “I thought you were coming in. You can meet my cousin.”
The bouncing urge vanished in an instant and was replaced by a desire to slink to the floor. “Oh yeah. I had to call my sister.” I held up my phone as if I needed to offer him proof. “Did you tell him you were meeting me?”
“No, I thought I’d just let him meet you.” He inclined his head back toward Jungle Juice. “We can go in real quick and say hi.” He considered me. “Does it bother you that I didn’t tell him about you?”
“No!” I probably answered too fast. “I mean, I haven’t mentioned you to my sister either, so I’d be kind of a hypocrite if I said it did.”
“Come in with me and meet him.”
“Um, I’m actually starving. Another time?” I busied myself with putting my phone back into my bag so I wouldn’t see if Chase was confused by my reticence. That was twice now that I’d turned down a chance to meet the guy he considered a brother. So far my excuses had been tired and hungry. What was I going to say next time? Feign an illness? Based on the way my stomach was squirming, I might not be lying.
“Okay. Where do you want to eat?”
I picked a taco place nearby—close enough that he wouldn’t think to question my starving claim, but far enough from Brandon that my stomach settled enough to let me actually eat.
We found a shaded table outside after ordering and I was beginning to relax again when Chase said, “So how come you haven’t told your sister about me?”
